I'll take Blonde hair and a Big Butt for $200 Alex

Why do all Artists believe that they are complicated? Are we REALLY complicated? Or are we soo wrapped up in the curve of the free-spirit that we can not speak to people living in the "now"? I will never know, or understand...because as I implied; it's way too complicated.

This morning I woke up very early, ya know about 8:03 a.m (lol). to prepare for an interview. Yes, I said the "I" word. That is something else you should know about me and "us". My innermost circle of friends and I are very Artsy/Creative people. We feel things. We see what things in the canvas' of our minds that most people would not understand unless it was drawn out and spelled out with great articulation.

We have an Interior Designer and Party Planner, the Make-up Artist, the Coordinator and I, singer, writer..blah-skiddly-dee-dat-dat-dat (insert small jazz skat). I am sure you can imagine that makes us an interesting group. If only you knew. Soooo, we don't do "jobs" in the traditional sense of the word. I can't even believe I am admitting this aloud. But we are all very "freelance-ish". We prefer to work smart a little of the time so that we can do things like travel, enjoy various Happy Hours (which is not EVER limited to a time of day), buy accessories that never look like they will quite "go" with our outfits. Ya know, things like that. Well, thy cup hadst run shawt (Texas slang). I needed money and money fast; so I did what we Americans are all programmed to do; look for a J-O-B (just-over-broke). Now this wasn't my first time seeking work this year, just my first time doing it with that real desperate, dry mouth of hell feeling. Soooo...I was selected for an interview. I felt like I won a million dollars, or at least a coupon for the ever retiring and returning Mcrib, available only at McDonalds (Satan's own workshop).

So, like I said, I woke up EARLY today for said interview. I tried on two suits, one was soooo tight, I could see my heart beat thru the jacket. The other was simply tired. I mean, I could possibly make a better suit with my severly un-manicured toes right now. So, I landed on a grey suit. As I aligned my clothing, with the proper undergarments and shoes, I could hear "rambunctious" in my ear saying "ya know, grey makes you look so fat". But screw it all, I was wearing it. As I poured myself into the suit, I was forced to stare at my crown thru my vanity mirror. Did I forget to mention that I dyed my big, naturally kinky-curly hair blondish for my 30th birthday?? Oooooof course, I didn't. HA! I looked at my hair and wondered how in THEE world could I tone down my larger than life personality, and everything else. So I carefully pinned my hair up, gold pin, after gold pin; and out I went.

On the way, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I secretly wondered why being me, was NEVER good enough. Why couldn't I wear my huge afro? Why couldn't I come in with jeans, adidas and a Gap T-shirt? I mean I know the answer people...Geesh. But I wish someone would hire me for my track record and not the facade that they get for a few hours in an interview. There are times where I feel like a total outcast. I am not cookie cutter, nor was I born with the luxury of a silver (or even nickle plated) spoon in my mouth. But to be frank, jane, jim and jane with you...I don't wish to fit in at all. I mean who notices a yellow crayon in the box?? But, a Gold crayon...hell, now you are talking!! That's me a gold crayon!! I quickly fixed my confidence, and drove my car which kept reminding me that we had 47 miles of gas until empty. "Thank you car" I thought in a sarcastic way. (Why can't gas and tires come with the purchase of a new car??)

Anyway, I arrived early and had a fabulous interview. Long story, short; it seems they are looking for someone just.like.me. Someone bold, daring and ready to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I left with my confidence on a high of 9 today.

I guess the point of it all is to be cool with self. Because confidence can't be faked, or misread. It is just what it is and we wear it rather we see it or not, others see it. Let me add, not only should we be good with ourselves, but really understanding of who we are, where we are with what we have...today!!

Well, I am about to log off...I need to fix myself a child-sized whiskey.

Oh yeah, let me leave you with this:

Live outloud. For real. If you want to do something and no law will get broken, and you are 87% sure that you or noone else will end up dead or in Prison...Do it!! Seriously, do what you want to do, no matter what anyone thinks.

Before you decide to go-a-courting: Know Thyself. If you are not confident with who you are NOW. No one else, will be. I promise you this.

Finally, if you ever decide to buy someone "special" a gift; at least know their address so you aren't stuck with a bunch of quirky gifts starring you in the face. (That was a freebie).

Peace & Blessings until later :)