I must truly say that I am thankful every single day that I awaken. I don't care if the sky is grey and renders forth rain, or if the sun is covered by a blanket of clouds or if it is so cold, I can barely feel my toes. No matter what, I am thankful. When I didn't know how I was going to pay my bills, I still remained thankful....for I would get another chance to try again. So it is imperative that I give great thanks in all that I do, as a preface of all that I say and think. I want to project the right reflection. (Work in progress)
Ummmm, my life. (and I know you didn't ask me anything about my life, but it's my blog) My life is an interesting series of events complete with laughter, camaraderie, pain, passion, hard work, impromptu adventures, nearly "no" balance whatsoever; and most importantly no regrets. The thing about a life for a Liz is, we (that is me, and all of the other variations of Elizabeth's that I've either been or will become---yep, I said that) live outloud. And when you live outloud, you leave yourself wide open for whatever may come. Sometime that is applause, sometime it is chastisement, sometime it is just open dialog, sometime you get questions and sometime you just get whatever the recipient is feeling at that time. It is easy to tell someone like me: How good their life is, when you believe that you have a good grasp of it based on what I decide to display. Or, it is also easy to tell someone like me about all of their flaws, challenges and room for growth. I can deal with all of that. But what seems to disturb me is that the quiet, deceitful and narcissistic people who are soooo broken that they inflict and attract pain wherever they go in private....are never quite so fortunate to get all of the many opinions that an "outloud" person seems to get. Perhaps misery loves company. I will never get it. Which is why my thoughts will not move past this electronic page. But this type of breed will use everything as their ammunition. They will turn every single statement around. They will lie, even when they don't know that they are lying. They will allow evasiveness, fear, pain and other things to gain the "oooooh, I understand" and the "awwww, well no matter you did what you did; you've been hurt". One of my new favorite lines from this personality type is "You are wrong, your such and such even agreed with me." Now, isn't that interesting? Two imprefect people who claim to be friends, using me as the "medium" for such a friendship. At first, upon hearing such a thing, my initial response was mental defense. But then I decided to do the opposite of what I would normally do. I did nothing. I said nothing. I allowed this person to vent and feel whatever they were feeling. I mean they are entitled to it. And just because they were saying it didn't mean that it held any higher power than all of the other feelings in the world. In fact, I've decided to simply reflect, heal, repent and find peace (again) within. This may take some time. I am learning that not everything requires a response. Maybe if we get quiet enough sometime and stop trying to save the world, we may, just may be able to save our own world first.
But, you will never guess what happens next?!---When the person who is always moving, talking and doing, gets quiet.....You guessed it!!: There must be something wrong with me. Sighs....When in fact there isn't a thing wrong, minus an incorrigible headache. I am just watching, seeing, thinking and resting. I don't think it's crazy at all: I call it evolution. Every-Thing, every dynamic must, at some point change. Otherwise it stands on the harbors of stagnation and the curb of insanity. I will pass on either extreme.
What does all of this rambling mean? ( I am asking myself that)
Yesterday, at a funeral, someone stood and made such an impression on me. He said: When you die, on your grave site, they write your date of birth, place a dash and list your date of death. Now, it really isn't about the dates listed on either end. It is about that little dash in between. That little bitty dash says it all. It reflects how we treated ourselves and others. It reflects our ability to make good decisions. It will show whether or not we were true to our purposes. It will show what impact we made on the world, if any. It will provide peace to those that we shared our love and appreciation with. Or, it can say something else completely.-----So I have decided: I will be kind to all. I will respect expiration dates (all expiration dates). I will continue to live outloud, but maybe a few decibels lower and I will make every single day count as a reflection of something greater than self. After all, life can be over in a dash.
