No Title Needed

I’ve been told I wouldn’t make it




I was told I would never see that place



I was told that sometime I fake it



I was told “You weren’t always that way”







I was told that if I didn’t shut up, I wouldn’t make it a day over 21



I was told after years of devotion, that actually I wasn’t the “one”



I was told that I wasn’t good enough



Told that I just made that story up







I’ve been told that no one would want me, with all my extra curves



I was told that the reason that I was crying, is because I was getting what I deserved



I’ve been accused of saying and doing things which never came to mind



I was told that I was cheating, but to this date, I never have…and really? Why?



I was told that my friendship with she and she and he and he, was all a sham



I was pointed at, laughed and accused of being a limelight stealing ham







I’ve been picked on, spoken to completely out my name



Beaten so badly, scorn so roughly, it caused me enormous shame



I’ve been laughed it, pointed at, and lied to in my face



I’ve been tormented, robbed, even kicked out my own place







But in spite the assumptions, accusations, lies, pain, torture, broken promises and misunderstanding; there has always been light. Light and promise have always kept me through.



I cannot pretend that I didn’t have help, encouragement, whimsy and people who loved me too.



Those who did what they said they would, those who confronted me when I did something to cause them hurt, those who gave me prayers, clothes, money, popsicles and vehicles. Those who were secure enough to trust me to be me, without shrinking in the shadows. Those who when they said “I love you” the feeling enveloped me creating a sheer place of peace.







My point is, I don’t care what people say to you, think of you, accuse you of, over analyze what they think you mean; over time a person’s true character comes out----and when you can line up a room full of people who’ve known you for 20 years, who will do nothing but sing your praises----when you can have an event and people go to great lengths to get there because your company is enjoyed, and you sowed that seed-------when you have to call out your friends, and soon your hands don’t have enough fingers--------when you can look at a list of reference letters from employers which proclaim your smarts and most importantly----- when you are true to yourself, know who you are and know where you are going, nothing, no one, no obstacle can keep you from greatness!! No one can tell you that you are nothing less than great; and I won’t hear of anything less.







.

Out of my control

My thoughts are all over the place right now. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Interestingly, I am tired of doing both, so I will just do what I do best; write.

Writing is such a release for me. It allows me to get lost between the jargon and the punctuation and somehow come out refreshed and please.

So, good people, where shall I start this time?

Recently, I acquired a new friend, or at least someone who I hope will become a friend. She is educated, creative and well spoken. But above all these things we share the same sign. Gooo Libras!! Normally, I don't gel with a person that quickly. But, I feel she is a kindred spirit; now I could be wrong, but if I am then, at least I will know that I served my purpose. She is going through some things right now. The young lady whom she was involved with has decided to seperate from her. Now, this has made my new friend quite unhappy, because she felt that the relationship had such great promise and doesn't really understand how things went from good to bad so abruptly.

This type of situation happens all the time, and frankly, I am in one similarly. The whole topic has me wondering:

If you are truly unhappy in a relationship, are you supposed to stick it out so as not to hurt the other person?

If you say that you will try to make things work, shouldn't you go above and beyond to show the other person that you are really doing your best?

And, finally, who measures your best?-I mean if someone is truly exhausted, their best may be relative to their current mental state and may NOT measure up to what we feel it should be.

What do we make of all this? Heck, what do I make of all this? I guess love is again one of those unanswered matters that we can ponder and debate on infinitely, only to realize that we haven't gotten very far at all.

Somewhere in my mind and heart, I believe that when the cosmos align properly (timing is right) and the opportunity is right, and the right people are involved, love will prevail. But, rarely does it work when the situation is one sided. You cannot MAKE A PERSON WANT YOU, OR LOVE YOU OR WANT TO MOVE FORWARD WITH YOU, OR SPEND TIME WITH YOU. In fact the more you push and try to control a situation, the worse it becomes. Resentment, hate and bitterness are usually the next stops.

People find a way to do whatever it is that they want to do. I have seen people swear that they have no time for someone who loves them; but turn right around and spend that same time with someone else.
I have dated people who just did not quite cut the mustard, and then months later, they are walking down the ailse with someone. My point is, if we are NOT the one, then we are not the one. No amount of tears, poems, text messages or prayers can make it so. Yes, it hurts like hell to know that the person you love or care about does not feel the same way about you. But, I would rather find out about it now, before the car loan, and the mortgage, and the kids, and the pictures and the parties. I don't know where life is going to take me, or some of my "relationship-limboed" friends; but I do know that I am going to be true to me. If something doesn't feel right, I won't do it. If I keep extending myself, only to be turned down or slapped in the face by an array of broken promises and tosses to the back burner, between this activity and that one, I will remove myself from the situation; because as I previously stated, life is too short to be unhappy.