I have sooo much to say. So much has changed since we last spoke. Here's the Cliff Huxstable notes to get you ready for this evenings mega post-
Stalking in the Woodlands
Move in
"It's not that serious"
"Sheba"
"To Strap or not to strap"
Traffic
Bird and/or Swine Flu....not so much
Crabby Patties with the girls?
That is the biggest clitoris I have EVER seen
WORK!!!
Guess whose coming to dinner?
U-haul'd
As I mentioned, so much has changed. Life has folded and re-folded into soooo many deminsions. Don't worry, I will fill you in. You'll laugh and cry-laughing.
Be well and do what the ______you want to do!!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sex in the City, and blessed in the field...Take 1,100
I usually know exactly what I want to write...it's all layed out in my brain. The thoughts flow as smoothly as Lake Lady Bird smack dab in the middle of Austin. However, right between the log on to this sexy lil' blog spot and the "click here to create a new post"; my brain says: You don't know what you want to say, you are just as mixed up as this cheese/salsa dip being passed in front of me. Allow me to begin with an impromptu poem that was just dropped into my spirit:
Start-Just as certain of the Moons return in the evening...I was certain of my path.
Then amidst the afternoon breeze and the expectency of said moon; then sun begged to play, yet, just a little more. You suprised me with your presence. Unexpectedly, your eager smile and eyes taunted me. I had to have you. And now as the days grow shorter and the nights longer, you have become part of me. I love you so much that I hate you. I hate how you have squirmed your way into an area which was deemed off limits. I hate how you have planted your flag on my moon; and refuse to move it. You love me so much that I feel guilty when I fight it. Is this indefinite? OR Is this just another attempt to break me into pieces so small that even a microscope couldn't detect once love was finished with me? And because there is no way to really know, I am going to give this my all. I will love as much as I can.Hmmm-Finish
Most of my friends are single as a piece of Kraft cheese. They miss our evenings of wine, sushi (or deep fried somethings) and laughs. I miss it too. But we're all evolving. Somewhere between Fall and Winter, I gained a plus 1.5 and while it is new and at times overwhelming and uncomfortable, I like it. No scratch that, I love it. (Please stay) I listened to one of the Fantastic Four's recent love stories from hell, and all I could do was shake my head. Oh yeah, and of my close buddies is sleeping with a man that I am 76.3% certain that is well GAY....Ahhh. I wrote a small list of why "dating is a crock of old nuts"
1. People aren't forthright. If you say you like someone and you are interested in them....uh, shouldn't you uh want to see and spend time with them? Who the heezy has time to figure out all of the mixed messages?
2. There are too many sexually confused people out there? "I'm gay." "I'm not not gay"...Geesh Oh and let's not discuss the downlow stupid sacks of crap who put themselves and others in danger of things like, I don't know...S-T-D's!!
3. No Sex. You can't trust everyone; plus when you are dating, you always accidently get that bad sex evening. You know all of that breathing and panting, but it doesn't come from you; then you leave them in the bed naked in the middle of the night to call your girls and they can laugh at you. Blah
Anyway, being single is fun and free. But I'd rather my 1.5. I am wishing my girls genuine love and peace; because they are so wonderful and deserve it. However, I know that good things do come, with time....so for now, we exercise patience and love for self.
Let me leave you with this:
1. Love is great.
2. Love makes my nerves bad; and is definitely a mental illness.
3. There is no 3, but I really wanted to see 3, numbers.
Peace :)
Start-Just as certain of the Moons return in the evening...I was certain of my path.
Then amidst the afternoon breeze and the expectency of said moon; then sun begged to play, yet, just a little more. You suprised me with your presence. Unexpectedly, your eager smile and eyes taunted me. I had to have you. And now as the days grow shorter and the nights longer, you have become part of me. I love you so much that I hate you. I hate how you have squirmed your way into an area which was deemed off limits. I hate how you have planted your flag on my moon; and refuse to move it. You love me so much that I feel guilty when I fight it. Is this indefinite? OR Is this just another attempt to break me into pieces so small that even a microscope couldn't detect once love was finished with me? And because there is no way to really know, I am going to give this my all. I will love as much as I can.Hmmm-Finish
Most of my friends are single as a piece of Kraft cheese. They miss our evenings of wine, sushi (or deep fried somethings) and laughs. I miss it too. But we're all evolving. Somewhere between Fall and Winter, I gained a plus 1.5 and while it is new and at times overwhelming and uncomfortable, I like it. No scratch that, I love it. (Please stay) I listened to one of the Fantastic Four's recent love stories from hell, and all I could do was shake my head. Oh yeah, and of my close buddies is sleeping with a man that I am 76.3% certain that is well GAY....Ahhh. I wrote a small list of why "dating is a crock of old nuts"
1. People aren't forthright. If you say you like someone and you are interested in them....uh, shouldn't you uh want to see and spend time with them? Who the heezy has time to figure out all of the mixed messages?
2. There are too many sexually confused people out there? "I'm gay." "I'm not not gay"...Geesh Oh and let's not discuss the downlow stupid sacks of crap who put themselves and others in danger of things like, I don't know...S-T-D's!!
3. No Sex. You can't trust everyone; plus when you are dating, you always accidently get that bad sex evening. You know all of that breathing and panting, but it doesn't come from you; then you leave them in the bed naked in the middle of the night to call your girls and they can laugh at you. Blah
Anyway, being single is fun and free. But I'd rather my 1.5. I am wishing my girls genuine love and peace; because they are so wonderful and deserve it. However, I know that good things do come, with time....so for now, we exercise patience and love for self.
Let me leave you with this:
1. Love is great.
2. Love makes my nerves bad; and is definitely a mental illness.
3. There is no 3, but I really wanted to see 3, numbers.
Peace :)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
You're so vain-You probably think this Post is about you....
I know that I just left a spicy little entry for everyone to oogle over just a few moments ago; but I am a total writer. When I feel the urge to purge, I must do so. So here goes-
I want to address a few things that I've bottled up over the past few years. They will be random and real names have been changed to protect the "innocent". HA!!!
1. Life is so precious. You know it's of great value, as it is the only thing people really fight for daily. What gave me the right to play God? Who gives anyone that right? SELAH
2. Why do people with kids feel that the WORLD is supposed to cater to them? In any situation where there are more than one person, compromise is needed. Period.
3. Is everyone that I know going thru something? Again, maybe I am the catalyst.
4. How much abuse is enough for someone to seek solice in themselves?
Whatever!
I want to address a few things that I've bottled up over the past few years. They will be random and real names have been changed to protect the "innocent". HA!!!
1. Life is so precious. You know it's of great value, as it is the only thing people really fight for daily. What gave me the right to play God? Who gives anyone that right? SELAH
2. Why do people with kids feel that the WORLD is supposed to cater to them? In any situation where there are more than one person, compromise is needed. Period.
3. Is everyone that I know going thru something? Again, maybe I am the catalyst.
4. How much abuse is enough for someone to seek solice in themselves?
Whatever!
Great art thou faithfulness
I really wish that I came with a manual. Not just for others but for me. Last night was one of those nights that I wished I could have checked the index to figure out what I needed to do to be better.
What you may not know about me is that I am quite self aware. I love psyhcology...the understanding of why we do what we do, where it stems from; etc...Now that I've prefaced the next topic with that fun tidbit; let me let you know now that I have ISSUES. I am extremely Passionate about so many things. I feel just about every emotion on a weekly basis. When I am hurt, I cry. When I am happy, I write and sing. When I am confused, I read or try to get to the soul of the matter and fix it. I am not one of those people who tuck a matter under a rug in an effort to act as though it doesn't exist. I am REAL; as the sun. It just is, what it is. I don't try to sugar coat things, I put myself out there. Now underneath this Tower of seeming strength, know-how and charisma is a scared little girl, who hasn't a clue from one moment to the next. Everything that I do, is by trial and error. I lack some of the basic/fundamental skills that most young ladies are either born with or taught by, perhaps their Mothers. Most of the "Womanly" things in which I've experienced in life has either been taught by my friends, television, books or Daddy.
My Mother didn't have a secular job like most of the Mom's I know. I believe that she was somewhat fortunate. My Father was able to support the family of 4, allowing baby sis and I to have two parents always present, clean home, clean clothes and hot balanced meals daily. We never entered our home alone, for the most part someone was also there. The other side of the coin on this matter is that my Mom had no real "worldly experience". She wasn't savvy about real life issues, politics, the new Computer Systems (though it was the 80's) or workplace Politics. *Sidebar* My Mom is of mixed descent, so on top of looking somewhat different from me, speaking differently, having family with blue and green eyes and wavy hair...Which means that to her-All Men were the same. Now, of course the activist that I am stands by our Constitutional rights which clearly declares that All men are created equally...but when you are a small black kid in the 80's; it's somewhat hard to feel "equal". My Mother taught me things like: Holding a note, singing with clarity, cleaning up my mess and how to "rob Peter to pay Paul'. She also taught me things like "If you want to get more, you most prove that you are first responsible with the little that you've been trusted with". For that, I am ever thankful. But my Mom is/was severly bi-polar. Most of my life, I saw up and down behavior. She held grudges. Was unforgiving. Would allow the smallest things to derail her day. She was vindictive. She rarely answered questions to the point. She had to go around the whole damn bush just to get to the point. She didn't take constructive criticism well. She believed everything was an attack. I often wondered as a small kid: What the hell did she have to prove? I hated the fact that she cared what people thought of her. She dressed sharply, but for acceptance. She would spend the last cent on fashoin. Everything for her was image. I was robbed the opportunity to be a real kid at times....We couldn't get dirty. She was sooo overprotective. Oh yeah, did I mention she didn't drive for a while, so we had to depend on others to get around. Which meant no play dates, no real interaction with others. It was she, baby sis and I most of the time. As time progressed and I developed "a point of view" she and I would bump heads, as I challenged her "My way or the highway" frame of rules. If it wasn't this sort of issue, it was me totally appaled by her need to ask my Father if she could buy a dress or pair of shoes because she never had her own money. Oh yeah, or her trail and error mental illness medication which left her listless, angry, bitter or zombielike far too many times to recite.
Why did I just share that? I guess it was finally time. My understanding of what and a Mother should be is distorted. I am confused by the whole affair. I am not angry with her. I understand her now. But that doesn't get my years back. It doesn't heal the hole in my heart. It doesn't comfort me, when I really need the loving arms of a Mom to hold me and reassure me that things will be ok. But God is good...let the choir say "all the time"....because I could use these issues to keep me from moving forward; but I don't. I have been blessed with older sisters, a wonderful step mom and a Superhero Father...and of course great friends and a fantastic (mostly) Partner to help keep me grounded, to love and support me through it all.
So let me leave you with this:
1. If you have been selected by Grand Design to be a Mother, take it seriously. All Mom's "eff" their kids up...but at least try your best to love, nurture and teach your child(ren) to properly communicate. Affirm them, so that when they are older they have nothing to prove.
2. If you notice a recurring situation in your life, it isn't everyone else...it's "Self" So take a moment to understand the laws of attraction and what you can do to properly represent self.
Peace & Blessings (I need to rest now)
What you may not know about me is that I am quite self aware. I love psyhcology...the understanding of why we do what we do, where it stems from; etc...Now that I've prefaced the next topic with that fun tidbit; let me let you know now that I have ISSUES. I am extremely Passionate about so many things. I feel just about every emotion on a weekly basis. When I am hurt, I cry. When I am happy, I write and sing. When I am confused, I read or try to get to the soul of the matter and fix it. I am not one of those people who tuck a matter under a rug in an effort to act as though it doesn't exist. I am REAL; as the sun. It just is, what it is. I don't try to sugar coat things, I put myself out there. Now underneath this Tower of seeming strength, know-how and charisma is a scared little girl, who hasn't a clue from one moment to the next. Everything that I do, is by trial and error. I lack some of the basic/fundamental skills that most young ladies are either born with or taught by, perhaps their Mothers. Most of the "Womanly" things in which I've experienced in life has either been taught by my friends, television, books or Daddy.
My Mother didn't have a secular job like most of the Mom's I know. I believe that she was somewhat fortunate. My Father was able to support the family of 4, allowing baby sis and I to have two parents always present, clean home, clean clothes and hot balanced meals daily. We never entered our home alone, for the most part someone was also there. The other side of the coin on this matter is that my Mom had no real "worldly experience". She wasn't savvy about real life issues, politics, the new Computer Systems (though it was the 80's) or workplace Politics. *Sidebar* My Mom is of mixed descent, so on top of looking somewhat different from me, speaking differently, having family with blue and green eyes and wavy hair...Which means that to her-All Men were the same. Now, of course the activist that I am stands by our Constitutional rights which clearly declares that All men are created equally...but when you are a small black kid in the 80's; it's somewhat hard to feel "equal". My Mother taught me things like: Holding a note, singing with clarity, cleaning up my mess and how to "rob Peter to pay Paul'. She also taught me things like "If you want to get more, you most prove that you are first responsible with the little that you've been trusted with". For that, I am ever thankful. But my Mom is/was severly bi-polar. Most of my life, I saw up and down behavior. She held grudges. Was unforgiving. Would allow the smallest things to derail her day. She was vindictive. She rarely answered questions to the point. She had to go around the whole damn bush just to get to the point. She didn't take constructive criticism well. She believed everything was an attack. I often wondered as a small kid: What the hell did she have to prove? I hated the fact that she cared what people thought of her. She dressed sharply, but for acceptance. She would spend the last cent on fashoin. Everything for her was image. I was robbed the opportunity to be a real kid at times....We couldn't get dirty. She was sooo overprotective. Oh yeah, did I mention she didn't drive for a while, so we had to depend on others to get around. Which meant no play dates, no real interaction with others. It was she, baby sis and I most of the time. As time progressed and I developed "a point of view" she and I would bump heads, as I challenged her "My way or the highway" frame of rules. If it wasn't this sort of issue, it was me totally appaled by her need to ask my Father if she could buy a dress or pair of shoes because she never had her own money. Oh yeah, or her trail and error mental illness medication which left her listless, angry, bitter or zombielike far too many times to recite.
Why did I just share that? I guess it was finally time. My understanding of what and a Mother should be is distorted. I am confused by the whole affair. I am not angry with her. I understand her now. But that doesn't get my years back. It doesn't heal the hole in my heart. It doesn't comfort me, when I really need the loving arms of a Mom to hold me and reassure me that things will be ok. But God is good...let the choir say "all the time"....because I could use these issues to keep me from moving forward; but I don't. I have been blessed with older sisters, a wonderful step mom and a Superhero Father...and of course great friends and a fantastic (mostly) Partner to help keep me grounded, to love and support me through it all.
So let me leave you with this:
1. If you have been selected by Grand Design to be a Mother, take it seriously. All Mom's "eff" their kids up...but at least try your best to love, nurture and teach your child(ren) to properly communicate. Affirm them, so that when they are older they have nothing to prove.
2. If you notice a recurring situation in your life, it isn't everyone else...it's "Self" So take a moment to understand the laws of attraction and what you can do to properly represent self.
Peace & Blessings (I need to rest now)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
One of those mixed up days...
I am feeling some kinda way. That's all I want to say right now. Matters of my life such as: Love, Money, Time, Friends, Family etc...all seems jumbled. You can't please everyone. I am certainly done trying. I am exhausted from a long, fairly unproductive day. I am longing for my comfy bed and my thoughts. They deserve a make-over; because right now my thoughts have no beginning and certainly no end.
123,4-5, 678910..11-12 (sang like Sesame Street)
Nite :)
123,4-5, 678910..11-12 (sang like Sesame Street)
Nite :)
Life calls at the oddest moments....Uh, shello?!
....so as I was standing at pump 13, pumping my last $12.03 into my past due car note car; I thought to myself "Things have to improve, and quickly." It is so funny how quickly things can change in your life. One moment you feel that you are on top of the world, and the next you are reminded of just how trivial the new Louis Vuitton bag is; or how unnecessary first class plane tickets are. Now the only thing which mattered is-SURVIVAL and the pursuit of my prodigal peace. I just want a peaceful and productive life. I have never been one of those ladies who dreamed of marriage and children. If it happens, great...if not, still just as great. I feel like the Frankie Beverly and Maze song; "I've got myself to remind me of love". And, I mean just that. My life is mostly simple and carefree, am I wrong for wanting it to remain that way???
I spoke to my Fantastic Four on yesterday, whether via phone or electronic mail and shared some of my current woes and dissatisfaction's. I received so many great words of wisdom and peace. It is sad that we (speaking of my girls right now); have to put up with so much BS, simply because we are the "Last ones standing" just to have a piece, a small bit of the "Quality of Life" that people dream, sing and write about. They all encouraged me to keep my head up and reminded me of just how brightly my light shined and whoever didn't see it....needed a "Lights Out" for lack of better words.
I guess today, as I reflect on the decisions made and the words spoken which have landed me in this place; it is bitter sweet. Yes, I am thankful that I am still here with chance 1,089 to try it again. But, I am miserable. Because, I am a social person I require time and adventure with the ones I love. I need to get out, dress like a lady of distinction, have a few drinks, take a million pictures and laugh until the tears ooze out. But, for now I am trapped. Stagnant. Stuck in a rut of hell. But be not dismayed, I am coming out. And when I get out....Damn it, I will be out!!
So let me leave you with this:
1. Take peace in the small un-tangible things. Because the big shit aint promised.
2. If you are NOT happy, do whatever it takes to make you happy. Put you first at the end of the day. It's called Self Perseverance. The most and primal instinct.
Be well
I spoke to my Fantastic Four on yesterday, whether via phone or electronic mail and shared some of my current woes and dissatisfaction's. I received so many great words of wisdom and peace. It is sad that we (speaking of my girls right now); have to put up with so much BS, simply because we are the "Last ones standing" just to have a piece, a small bit of the "Quality of Life" that people dream, sing and write about. They all encouraged me to keep my head up and reminded me of just how brightly my light shined and whoever didn't see it....needed a "Lights Out" for lack of better words.
I guess today, as I reflect on the decisions made and the words spoken which have landed me in this place; it is bitter sweet. Yes, I am thankful that I am still here with chance 1,089 to try it again. But, I am miserable. Because, I am a social person I require time and adventure with the ones I love. I need to get out, dress like a lady of distinction, have a few drinks, take a million pictures and laugh until the tears ooze out. But, for now I am trapped. Stagnant. Stuck in a rut of hell. But be not dismayed, I am coming out. And when I get out....Damn it, I will be out!!
So let me leave you with this:
1. Take peace in the small un-tangible things. Because the big shit aint promised.
2. If you are NOT happy, do whatever it takes to make you happy. Put you first at the end of the day. It's called Self Perseverance. The most and primal instinct.
Be well
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year....I hope!
New year, same ole Liz. I have come to grips with who I am, what I want and how far I will go to get there. I believe in setting goals, especially when we have landmarks such as day one of the month or the start of the year, etc...BUT I am NOT really into making New Years Resolutions because all that really changes is the day; for the most part the person remains the same. So, I say figure out who you are. Honestly evaluate what could be done differently and then decide which of those things you feel like working on; and go forth. Sooooo, in taking my own advice, I have only set 4 goals for the year. Why? Well, because this is a realistic number; I have larger odds at acheiving them. Additionally, I know me. I can only finish so many things before I get either bored or discouarged. My goals are all centered around aligning my Physical, Mental and Financial health to ultimately make me a better; well..uh "ME".
My wishes for you my loves, are that you live outloud. Laugh as much as possible. Don't sweat the small things. Forgive and let go of what you think you know or don't know. Be open. Think before you speak, because those words don't come with a refund or exchange policy. Sing in the shower, even if you don't know all the words and you are off key. Just be you and make no mistakes about it. Do something that you always wanted to do. People, we have to make a better effort to live, taste it and feel it. Who wants to simply exist, or just take up space? Make your mark and enjoy.
Peace & Blessings
My wishes for you my loves, are that you live outloud. Laugh as much as possible. Don't sweat the small things. Forgive and let go of what you think you know or don't know. Be open. Think before you speak, because those words don't come with a refund or exchange policy. Sing in the shower, even if you don't know all the words and you are off key. Just be you and make no mistakes about it. Do something that you always wanted to do. People, we have to make a better effort to live, taste it and feel it. Who wants to simply exist, or just take up space? Make your mark and enjoy.
Peace & Blessings
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