Just like an air pump

I see myself as physically, mentally, spiritually and financially rich and so I am. Just like that. Yes, it's that easy I call it so. The end.

This past week has been quite the challenge for me. For the first time in my 32 years of exquisite existence, I broke a bone. Not just any bone. I broke my left ankle and additionally learned today that I also sprang my left foot. It is painful and disturbing on so many levels.

Here's why-
1. I'm a full figured chick who's known that I needed to do something about this weight for years. I've failed at almost every attempt for one reason or another. As a full figured chick, you cannot imagine the pain and amount of effort that it takes to lift myself up on crutches to make it a hand full of feet just to use the bathroom.

2. I'm extremely independent. I made a vow to self to always be self-sufficient, able to take care of me. Well, when the very structure which holds your entire body up is injured; how do you think that independent crap is working out for me? I need clothes to be washed. I need my room and bathroom to be soaked in the river Jordan for healing and renewal. Most of all I need my ankle to be fixed. Last week, I had so much help. My friends (roomies), Sisters and my One. Then as the week ended, some of that help started to slowly drift away. Can you imagine how it feels to have to ask for water, for help drawing a bath, for help getting dressed? I feel totally inadequate. The pain has transcended the physical and crept into the mental.

In fact, just yesterday I was asked "What would you do if no one were here to help you?" (improvised version of the real question) The tears slowly streamed down my face as reality started to settle in. I realized that, I am a team of ME. I am not arrogant, ungrateful or unrealistic. But the bottom line is- at the end of the day all I have is Elizabeth!!! Now that question came from someone whom I've literally nursed back to health in every aspect of the word. I've cleaned messes, covered losses and been a shoulder of support even when the things I heard caused me more pain. It would appear that I've lost way more than I could possibly gain in the process. I never asked "What if I weren't here?" I was just happy to be there. There were no ill thoughts, malice or funky manipulation. I didn't want anything out of the deal.You see when someone near and dear to me is hurting or in need; I naturally want to get in there, roll my sleeves up and "get er done." That person or situation becomes my only priority until they are well and able to fly again. I shake my head even now, because foolishly, I still, after all of these years expect everyone to be that way. And the truth of the matter is there are several types of people in this world-

1. Givers with expectations- These are the type who give for show. They will go into debt to make it seem as though they are a knight in shinning armor. They will ignore those who've been in the corner and go above and beyond for those who've abused and misused them all to prove a point. They invented the word facade, in my opinion. Sadly, I don't even think they realize that's what they are doing being the giving usually comes from a good place. Then one day when they realize that they aren't getting anything back; they stop giving.

2. Takers- Need I say more. These people will drain you dry. They will take anything you offer them. In fact as opposed to putting forth energy to get education, employment or any opportunity for enhancement; they use that energy to get over on others. They only come around when the getting is good. They drink your whiskey and smoke your weed, and suddenly disappear when the supply has runneth empty.

3. Givers with the "fix-it-complex"- This type of person still believes that you can nurse someone back to health with love and resources. When this person has it, they share it. Now if you don't show appreciation for it you will get TOLD. But this person honestly just wants to see the object of their affections activate their full potential. Unfortunately, once the person is nursed back to health the dynamic changes and leaves the giver feeling depleted and somewhat used.

I see myself as physically, mentally, spiritually and financially rich and so I am. I have to keep saying that, so that I believe it. So that my words activate the spirit and causes good seeds to be sown and a rich harvest to reap. Right now, my word is really all that I have. I can't really do anything else for myself but promise myself to be better to myself. As opposed to dwelling on the pain in my ankle and in my pride, I choose to remain mentally occupied. Steadfast and unmovable.

You see I realize that there will be situations where we will give and their will be no ROI (Return on Investment). So when we make such investments we must go in knowing that what we do is just because. We can't get blinded by the false promises, or babbish that the injured one(s) will speak while they are being nursed because they have been taught either by example, environment or the damn voices in their heads that they must say or do certain things when someone is helping them. I also realize that there will be times in our lives where the Universe will allow us to bust our asses. It is during this time that we must cultivate inner strength and resolve to use some of that "fix-it-complex" to fix us FIRST. Also during this time we get to see who the sayers are versus the doers.

It doesn't feel good to have this swollen, baked potato looking foot propped up on this pillow or to be typing in the dark because I can't reach the switch (even though you've wanted it on and off all day); but I feel good because I am learning just what the Universe wants me to see. I have a new respect for some and a new spirit of humility in my heart. I also am learning how to discern truth from "almost truths". Meaning that some words are just like the air used to pump my cast/boot/thingy up......all fluff, image of support, until you step the wrong way and realize that it is completely and utterly invisible.

Thankful is an understatement for how I am ending 2011!!! It's been a great ride. And 2012 will be much, much better because I see myself as physically, mentally, spiritually and financially rich and so I am. Just like that. Yes, it's that easy I call it so. The end.

12

Thank you December for coming and shining your light on me,
I embrace you as the end of something great, awesome and unique.

Sometimes I don't think I am quite doing my best,
But as the months change and fade I too shall never rest.

Beautiful and marvelous is this year we share,
In God I trust and in faith I leave each and every care.


Selah

November 29th

I rested so well last night I had drool marks on my pillow-case. I dreamed all sorts of things and had a lot of time to compile my thoughts.

Lately, I've been carrying some challenges that really are not mine. I had to return to "The Four Agreements" and be reminded that people and there actions have nothing to do with me. It is amazing how assumptions, greed, hearsay and just inner negativity can ruin friendships and family relationships.


Random somethings-
Today my biological Parents would have been married for 36 years. I can remember Grace and I making them cards with construction paper when we were little for this day. It was the holiday celebration that we had all year and it was massive. I wish we could be getting ready with our Elmers Glue for this tonight. Ahhh we didn't have a care in the world. Our Parents were our rock. They did everything for us. How things change!

Why does money bring out the worst in so many? I've noticed two things this week alone and it is JUST flipping Tuesday. LOL- As long as you are spending $$ on a person they have no complaints. Watch how many issues they have with when the money dries up. Don't believe me? Try it. AND, people who never, ever had two nickles to rub together will act a fool behind a so-called "inherited" piece of non-existent property. SMH "Don't nobody owe you crap fool!"

Once I was in a relationship where someone would get upset with me and give me the silent treatment for days. I used to feel so sad  and helpless because she wasn't who she said she was. Here she was 11 years older than I, but acting like a toddler. I use that reference because small children aren't able to effectively articulate their feelings. But this full grown woman knew how to speak up. She had no problem making suggestions for how I should do things, etc...But for some reason all maturity would fly out the window at times. The pain used to tear me up because I really didn't know why I was being treated that way. I would ask-NOTHING. So of course, I would take it personally because it was only I that she was treating foul. Days later she'd return with a huge smile on her face and wonder why I'd been so sad. When I would ask her "what happened? why did you retreat?" she would always say "Oh I was going through something and when I called you, you sounded like something was wrong so I didn't feel like explaining it!" WTH!? I remember feeling so isolated in this city all alone from my close family and friends. I used to suck it up and act like everything was ok. But it really wasn't. It's selfish and it's ignorant. If people would take the time to ask questions or just say-I'm going through right now, I need a few days; life would be a totally different place. But I digress.

I find that all of these instances of trying to be there for someone and loving from an honest and open place has just created more voids than victory. I seek balance. I seek the way to share what's in my heart without breaking my own heart in the process.

My goals are as follows-

Spend more time listening and observing.

(again) To lead by example: When I am not clear on something I will ask questions. I refuse to walk on egg shells because of someones' "possible" perception. My inner peace is most important.
Spend more time listening instead of talking. You just learn so much by doing this and you express a sense of care to whomever is speaking to you.

Get a living Will and put it in writing. Man, I am seeing some of my family really allow greed to expose their awful character. It is amazing to see how many people who never put an effin shingle on a house will try to stake claims to it. Man, if you want a house or the profits thereof, go buy you one. Seriously, banks would love to give you a mortgage.

 

 I won't be "sharing" this one...if you see it, you see it. If you don't, you don't. It's really not about you anyway. TAAAAAA DAAAAA

 

Good Morning World!! It's a beautiful day. The sun is shinning, and though it's a wee bit cold, I have a feeling that today is going to be ALL GOOD. I'm reflecting on this year, though it is far from finished. Someone once told me that because I was born in an odd numbered year that odd numbered years would somehow show me favor. Of course when I originally heard this, I tossed the notion out of the window as I do with most things that I hear. (If you know me, then you know that words don't mean squat to me. It's all about the actions.) But here we are ending 2011, an odd numbered year and I am really feeling good.

Did I meet all of my goals? Of course not. But, I am happy with my milestones and acheivements however small they may be. I left the country for the first time, just as I said I would. I reconnected with someone very important to me. I moved into the dopest pad ever SON with two of my favorite people. I was honest. I helped others. And, I loved with all of my heart. Oh, oh and I wrote a freakin' book. I love my book so much. Have you purchased your copy of: When I Grow Up I Want To Be Sane?? Still, I have so far to go. And, I embrace that with grace. Bring it on life! Bring it on!

Going forward I want to enhance some of the skills which I've already learned but not have been doing the best job at executing:
1. I want to pay it forward! (Everything that I expect and want out of life will be the result of me sowing a corresponding seed.)
2. Believe and trust the deeds of a person. It's amazing how many times I've been told "I love you Liz" this year and to date only a hand full of those people have actually showed me that. It is easy to be kind and loving to someone when they are doing things for you, or when all is well. But the times that it truly matters is when things aren't as peachy and it requires true valor and management of self to "walk the walk."
3. Convince no man of nothing. I'm in constant awe of how people will speak with such conviction about things they do not know. I've been accused of a few things this year, to which I know nothing about. If a person is simple enough to believe a one-sided story, or to create an alternate reality which only mirrors the prison cells of their own mind; so be it. If a person gets to know me and my character, they would know-'Nuff said-They would know!
4. I want to operate with a compassionate heart. I don't know what to really add here because this is a new concept to me. But, I have to realize that everyone isn't as tough as I am. Everyone isn't equiped to deal with reality in a matter-of-fact kinda way. And because I dearly care for the people in my circle, I have to master this one quickly.

Well, I have my morning meeting to attend. I'm charged up and ready for this busy week ahead. Let me leave you with this Kings & Queens-
Be true to yourself.
Don't waste time.
Only look back to learn.

Peace

PRY OR IT TEES

Wooooooosah!!!

I've been waiting for these few days off for a couple of weeks now. But in my life there is no such thing as: Time off. But, so far, so good. I've rested, laughed, ate, and drank. In fact, I've been in such a good place that I even provided a naked praise dance for my friends this week. I completed a few much needed tasks today, still some to do; but I'm satisfied with my deeds. But next year, I'll be traveling so that I can truly enjoy my time without being pushed and pulled into a million directions. (At least that's what I am saying now.)

As I was at the nail shop this morning I watched the news discussing "Black Friday". So, I want to share some advice, nuggets (not chicken), thoughts with some of my friends and family since we're knee deep in the holiday season. Do what you will with them. Hey, what do I know?

1. The holidays are NOT about you. Root word is-holy = holy days. Be thankful and walk the walk.
2. DON'T go in to debt trying to buy gifts for people. If you taught your kids what holy-days are actually about then they will understand that you didn't get them the Xbox 876.z
3. There is NOTHING wrong with taking care of you first this season. (as in take care of your needs first)
4. Remember, January will be back and you'll be making those same financial goals again which you might have met had you not pepper sprayed someone in the line of Walmart buying stuff this morning. LOL

Now that I've shared that, I'm going to do some classwork and reflect on some of my own advice.

McYuck

Monday was a day from hell. Certainly the under-lords were being paid an enormous amount to meddle with me. It started with a meeting. Now, these meetings are SUPPOSED to uplift the staff and offer some sort of structure. Unfortunately this is far from what happened. Have you ever been in a meeting that literally just steals away your time like a bad cancer? If not, I pray that it remains that way. But if you have, you will understand just how draining a negative meeting about a meeting with people who just like to hear themselves talk really is.

Soon (one hour and twenty minutes) later, my teammates and I were back at our desks. The mood was stank and the energy was low. We were truly disappointed and just "blah". About an hour after that, I received word that we (the team) were going to lunch. YES!!! I figured Management wanted to rekindle the spirit of the group. I wondered where we would go. I mean working in the Galleria area offers so many options for the pallet. But soon my smile would turn into a frown. And no "Happy Meal" would fix that.

One hour after the notice about lunch, there I was sick and sad at McDonalds on Post Oak. Why, were we there? Because some of the foreigners wanted to try the effin McRib! WHY!? Who even knows what a McRib is? A greasy, saucy clump of random meat pieces formed to look like a rib. I mean we are in Texas, home of real bbq, why must thou settle for a fake rib? I was only able to get down about 2.5 bites of that horror sandwich. I felt my tummy turning inside out and my spirit fading away faster than the flat top and hammer-pants came and went. Even now as I recall that day, my face starts to lower. Why did I even participate? It seemed like I drank a gallon of carbonated soft-drink just to remove the taste from my mouth. And if you know me, you know that soft-drinks aren't really my thing. There I was frowning as I heard a few co-workers with thick accents say "Ummmm, this Mc-A-Rib isn't so bad afterall." Before long I found myself mentally checking out. I went to a normal place in my mind. A place where you don't get together and eat junk on lunch. A place with white tigers, unicorns and the Easter bunny. Soon the sounds of lip-smacking and pork sauce finger-licking wasn't even a factor. I just didn't care anymore.

I made a promise to myself that day- No more peer pressure! They already think I am strange at work. I may as well let them keep thinking that. I refuse to participate in anything over than what I am actually compensated to do.

Well friends, it's Friday now and you will be pleased to know that I stayed true to my word. Even when I was "kindly persuaded" to participate in an impromptu Thanksgiving Pot-Luck a full week before Thanksgiving, I simply didn't respond. (To hell with that read-receipt. I deleted the email and the notice telling me that it would tell you that I deleted it.) Yes, the food items sounded VERY tempting. I mean who would pass up a frito pie, spaghetti OR meatballs, corn and spinach casserole, fudge, chips and cola??!! *insert that sarcasm again*

So again, I lived another week, still standing, moving forward. Boldly placing one foot in front of the other. I mean what else can a Liz do?

Sabatoge?

Soooo I'm told that I sabotage relationships. I wonder why that is. I am trying to step outside of myself to see this. Why do I have so many walls up? I say my life is an open book. But seemingly, that may not be the whole truth. Hmmm.... I am surrounded by so much love. Why must I control situations? I don't want to be a 32 year old subconscience loner. I want to experience a full, loving and healthy life.

It probably started the first time I felt safe and was let down. Maybe it was due to a broken heart. Who knows? Well, I better try to know if I am going to get to the root of this matter. I don't blame anyone for my internal workings. That's not how I operate. I just wish I knew why I seem to drive people insane. There, I said it! The question is: Elizabeth are you purposely keeping people at a distance so that you never have to feel pain? Or so that you don't have to depend on them? Are you that crazy that you have to try to control every situation? UGH, this is getting scary.

I'm also told that I don't fight (argue) fair. Truth be told, I would prefer not to fight or argue. It is a total waste of time and energy. Why can't people just have a civil conversation, without raising their voice or acting out?

So much has happened in such a small amount of time. At the end of the day, I am left holding the blame. So be it. Me and my commitment issues, my extremely nasty-stabbing mouth, guilty conscience, fractured heart and embarrassed spirit are going to attempt to get some rest.

How can one night...one freakin' night pull up the proverbial rug of my life? Probably because I had too much junk under the rug in the first place. Operation "Better Liz" is under way. Well, in the morning because as I said; I am tired. I've just poured my heart out and now I feel empty.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Good Morning World! Good Morning Beautiful Life! I am so thankful to see another gorgeous day. It's before 9 a.m. and the suns rays are creating a bit of a glare on the screen as I type this. There is so much on my mind. I've already written this piece at least twice in my mind over the past few hours. But, I seriously doubt that it will come out the way that I planned. That's just how it is for me :)

I've been in somewhat of a funk for about a day and a half. I've thought some thoughts that I truly regret. This is the result of some seriously strange activity which happened in my home Thursday night. Yes, a random, freakin' Thursday night. All I wanted to do was take my car to the mechanic, and come home and rest after a LONG, long week of work. This was the week of my "off-Friday"; and I had big plans for my long weekend. If only I hadn't made a particular phone call. This call invited me somewhere that I should have really avoided. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't have made the call until I was home. I am going to really learn to follow my first mind. I was tired, and trying to juggle a few unexpected expenses in my head. It's bad when you have to decide whether you will get your car or your teeth fixed first. Unfortunately, I am a control-freak. When too much is happening and I can't wrap my arms around it as I would like to, I start to have serious anxiety. Some say, I'm a drama queen; and that's fine. But really, I am VERY anxious. Because my fear is NOT being able to take care of myself. I never want to be a burden on anyone. I'm working on that.

So, back to the random Thursday night of hell: I have a problem with disrespect. I have a bigger problem with slaps in my face. No, I don't mean literal hand to cheek action. I mean when you bust your ass to do right by someone on several occasions and they allow their misdirected anger, pain, frustration, inadequacies, or whatever to cloud the line between what is real and what is not. We all have been guilty of this. We've all been down in the dumps or not where we think we should be, and all it takes is a little something to set us over the edge. I get that. But what I do not get is the dishonesty of it all. It's no one elses' fault that you feel the way you do. It's not the substance or poison of your choice. It is YOU!! All of those extra elements are just that. Extra-elements! I've been hurt by many things, people and situations. But you will never see me slap someone in the face. Not someone who has been kind to me, loving to me and supportive of me. You will never see me play the blame game. I take full responsibility for the seeds that I sow. I won't say "Oh this situation made me do this!" What sort of adult hides behinds such a sorry excuse? We all have a choice in life. We can let rough times make us victims or victors. And, I Elizabeth Goree, refuse. Do ya hear me?? *insert strong Southern drawl* I absolutely REFUSE to be a victim with the fingers of this crooked system up my ass like some kind of puppeteer. I refuse to let life beat me up so badly that I am unable to treat people right. I refuse to let life distort my ability to love, and be a friend. So yes, it's been a rough last few hours. But I am up now!! I am thinking clearly and moving forward. Boldly, one foot in front of the other. Some people stay down for days, weeks and months and try to convince others and even themselves that someone else, or something else is to blame. I don't buy it. I will not smite God by taking the precious time bestowed upon me for granted.

Sooooooo, what will the likes of a Liz do today? Hmmm....well, I guess once I straighten up my room (again---sighs) I will do something just for me. I am not sure what. But I have a tank full of gas, about 23 hot dollars and a wonderful array of options. Like I always say: It's a beautiful thing to have options.

Let me leave you with this-

1. Forgiveness starts within. (Seems like I have said this before). If you have some inner challenges (as we ALL do); it's up to you to deal with it. Forgive the person(s) who hurt you and then forgive yourself. This is imperative not only for your own mental health, but to make sure that you don't take yesterdays trash out on today's treasure.

2. Sit and think for a moment. Maybe having a drink or 9 on a day when you are REALLY down isn't the best idea.

3. Tell the whole truth! There are people who will tell their friends and family one-side of things to continuously hide the fact that they have serious issues. Well the thing of the matter is, no matter how much you distort things the truth always has a way to creep out. So it's best to deal with your drama in private or have all your dirty laundry sprawled across the floor in public (LITERALLY)!

Going nowhere fast

I feel like a cross between crap and nothing at all today. I don't want to get caught in the never-ending cycle of "almost made it". Have you ever heard people talk about someone who has passed on? They are quick to say "Oh Johnny was so smart. He could do anything. He was just ahead of his time. If he would have only done_______ or studied ______ he would have been rich." Sadly, I feel like that's the way my life is going. I know my brain is sharp. I have a great memory, awesome eye for direction and the ability to clearly convey my thoughts without wavering. My potential is infinite. But I keep getting stuck in a "work rut". Why? Because I am addicted to the freakin' paycheck!! That small amount of money that is dangled in front of me every few weeks reeling me in further and further. In exchange for the facade of financial security (which is always just enough to get by and maybe save a little) we give up our whole damn day to work and work and work to make someone else rich. Then when we come home we are too tired to work on a plan to break the cycle; so we go at it again. We're like pathetic rodents on a wheel going nowhere fast. I could see if I got some satisfaction from this cycle, but when I do it is minimal.

Something has to give. I say this every few years. But I know that I am not getting any younger and I need to make a move quickly, else I be stuck in a mediocre situation....completely out of the scope of my destiny.

*sighs*

The Four Agreements

Usually around the 3:00 p.m. time a few of us ladies at work begin to chat. I am sure it's at this time that we feel a mental crash coming and have this insatiable need to release energy and share in notable dialog. The chatters normally include, Ally a young lady; I believe she is 23, Racheal who is about 37 and I who recently turned 32. It's interesting how we learn from each other and caution one another from making certain decisions based on experience. It's also interesting how regardless of our age, heritage, race and experiences we all go through the same thing.

One day, around 3:15 or so; we started our chatter. The energy was low. We three were feeling defeated at work. This is when Racheal shared something so profound with me. "Elizabeth, have you read The Four Agreements, by: Don Miguel Ruiz?" "Nope. Never heard of it." She then shared an email that I believe is about to transform my life. The email discussed the 4 agreements. Oh and what's better is that these are agreements made from within, they are just for us. Not an agreement with Hubby, or Friend, or Sister or Mother. An internal agreement to help promote peace and order:

agreement 1


Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
 
Beneath the agreements must lay a foundation, in my opinion. That foundation is the ability to be REAL with oneself. You can't keep your word if you don't have a word. Did you get that? If you are a flaky person who lives in a facade you cannot use these agreements, because you haven't agreed to tell the truth to yourself about yourself. But for those of us who live outloud and know who we are has nothing to do with what we have or what people think, these agreements could be life changing.
 
Resolve to know self and agree on how you will go forward in this thing called life.

Se Taire (Be Quiet)

A day without chatter and a night without question, is all I ask. Unproductive noise-Cease! Useless discussion-Rise no more! Unsuccessful question-Be ye discontinued!! I am growing tired of you. No more empty promises. No more unreasonable requests. No more demands. I just need to embrace the space that I'm in and breathe. I need to organize my thoughts and create a plan to become more fruitful. And, every single moment that I am pushed out of my zone is a moment lost and dream deferred. I do not expect you to understand me, or my humble requests. But, I do demand that you respect me and my necessary request. Be quiet, even if only for a day.

RIP Good Customer Service

I'm not understanding how people get paid to offer customer service and act as though they are doing you a favor. UHHH, news flash Lasheekala; you are paid to offer a service. We, the customer, no matter how deranged pay your salary. Bottom-Line.

My friends and I spend at least 4-8 hours of EVERY single week trying to fix service errors. If it's not Comcast jacking up the cable bill or promising that tech support which never arrives, it's freakin' Chase (mega-too-rich-to-fail) Bank allowing retarded charges for hundreds of dollars to creep through in effin Royal Oak, Minnesota (where the heck is Royal Oak anyway??) somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m. for crap like underwear online. Oh, and if it's NOT them it's Popeyes for giving you the smallest, fetal sized wing for your 2-piece and hoping you don't notice it until you've driven away. Oh yeah, and lest we forget the great, fast service we get when we call our respective landlords (for us renters). I mean please in the name of all spirits don't be late paying your rent, they will charge you up the wazoo. But, if you need something repaired, they don't come when you want them to and they damn sure don't come on time.

What has happened in the world of customer service? I know that many of us who provide services for a living are under-paid. But, we knew that when we accepted the job. I also know that dealing with a strange array of human can be a daunting and borderline suicidal task on a daily basis. But, it is our job. Do you think I like receiving a resume via fax, email and snail mail all in one day from one under-qualified man named DeQuan (with a "K".)?? No. No I do not fancy it one bit. But it is my job. Ergo, I must provide a service with decency and respect. When we pay for a service, we are owed respect. We are paying your bills. So listen you incompetent, illiterate SOB's; if you are unwilling and unable to provide GOOD customer service and that is what your job description requires, you have two options-

1. Feel free to drop off the face of the earth.---Hey, it's getting crowded here anyway.
2. Find another profession at once.---Perhaps Go-Go Dancing, Animal Transport, Professional Pubic Shaver, etc....

Because at this point, I am 76 seconds from living off the land, going off the grid and keeping my money under my mattress so I don't have to deal with ignorant, sub-par and downright stupid customer service people.

I'm getting off my soap box, I have a few more things to pack. But know this- I am upset with customer service and I hope you all burn in hell (Samuel Jackson voice).

Love Liz,

Living my life like it's "Euro"

I have so much to say, but not enough bandwidth or energy or strength or something that I may need to write something good. Where do I start? Hmmmmm

Life is good. I'm thankful everyday. I'm prayerful everyday. No complaints.

This weekend the maternal side of my family will be engaging in our first family reunion. This is also the first time that most of us have been together since the dreadful, Hurricane Katrina.

Exciting times surround me. My love life? Well, it is amazing. I must say that the events of the past 5-6 weeks were completely unplanned; but I am so thankful for being reconnected with the love of my life. There is so much respect and kindness shared. There is no cussing, no drama, no secrets, no competitions and thank God no excessive baggage. Isn't it amazing how much you begin to accomplish when you have someone who is evenly yoked? I could speak on this topic all night, but as opposed to telling everyone how I feel; I'll just let my smile continue to share my story. 'Nuff said.

My homefront is good. Of course, when you mix three VERY powerful personalities in one home even 2200 square feet can start to close in on you. But Talya, Ray (using the book alias') and I are making big things happen and we're growing closer everyday. I am so thankful for these great friends.

Hmmm, what else? Oh yeah, so you know I wrote a book. I wish I had some grand report for you, but that isn't the case. Things are progressing, slow and steady. I have a few professional changes to make and I plan to start 2012 with a bang! I am destined to touch the world one page at a time.

Ooooh, I DO have something to share:
Why do we (some Blacks) still equate wealth with cars and homes? Seems this weekend this question was asked "Liz looks like she should drive a BMW or a Benz. Why doesn't she?" WHAT THE HELL? How does a foreign car owner look? Hell, my car is foreign. You've heard of Toyota, right? LOL---Seriously, are you kidding me? My Dad and my Aunt taught me from a small girl that it is better not to have any money in your pocket than to have debt that you cannot pay. I am JUST learning that lesson. My life is VERY uncertain. To be honest, that's just the way that I've created it. I am not permanently attached to anything by choice and I certainly will not get attached to the heavy weight of debt if I don't have to. I mean what happens when you lose that attachment to a paycheck?? How will you pay for those items of show then? Most people don't think that far, they just act in the moment. They just do what seems right at that moment. (Ask me how I know!) You see when you lose all of the tangible things that once meant so much to you; you have two choices-
1. Feel sorry for yourself and choose to sink lower than you need to be.

OR

2. Learn from your mistakes/experience and make a change for the better.

I chose option #2 and learned what was really important. And guess what, things perish. But peace can be everlasting. It feels damn good to go to bed without a care in the world. And finally, with regards to the car....Ummm I can't see the outside of the car while I am driving it anyway; so who would I be driving it for?? Ahhhh, people pleasers. And on this note, I must rest. I have a lot to do; like get ready to travel to Europe next week. Yep!!!! #WINNING-LOL (Oh yeah and I won't be doing any luxury driving; catch me in the clouds).

Be well Kings &Queens and remember to be thankful and kind!

Unforgiveness-Clogging of Spiritual Pores

Why is it so hard for people to forgive? Why do we insist on holding grudges? What purpose do grudges serve? Do we get so caught in our emotions that we lose sight of logic and opt to clog our spiritual pores with hatred?





Revelation-



1. Forgiveness has NOTHING to do with the so-called person who hurt you. I say "so-called"; because nine times out of ten if effective communication is utilized, you learn that the person who wronged you didn't really intend to wrong you. Or you find out that the person who wronged you didn't know that they wronged you to begin with. Or you find out that it was your own insecurities and inner challenges which created a situation which may not have even existed. As though people can read minds *insert sarcasm* But forgiveness is about SELF. It is the freeing mechanism which allows us to cleanse our spiritual pores. Once our spiritual pores are clean, we can allow all of the goodness of the universe to seep in and prosper us.



2. Forgivess doesn't mean to run to the person who wronged you with open arms, it means to acknowledge the WHOLE story and then leave the matter in the past and not call it to rememberence again. There is always a lesson in hurt and pain. So by all means, let's learn the lesson. Maybe we can learn not to be so trusting. Maybe we can learn to be more trusting. Maybe we can learn to limit levels of communication with some. Maybe we can learn to talk more. Maybe we can learn that we keep getting the same results, which may mean that we need to do a self-check and renew our own mind to avoid future incidents. Whatever your lesson is, it is your lesson; not the person who wronged you. So release them, and release that unncessary unhealthy grudge. It is the first step to the bridge of goodness.



3. Forgive yourself first. God already has. It's not like we can go back and fix anything. We have to (in the words of my dear friend) "take the licking and keep on ticking." This will not be our last mess-up. We're imperfect creatures with imperfect ways to mess up perfect plans.


Benediction-


I wonder how many people are stuck in a spirtual abyss of anger, hate and stagnation because we have refused to let something go. Really let that sink in. I know that when I keep finding myself in the same situations that it is ME. I am the common denominator. I AM NOT GROWING THE WAY I NEED TO, BECAUSE I NEED TO HEAL AND LET SOME THINGS GO. I mean would you really purposely keep a tumor on your skin? Does the unforgiveness keep you warm at night? What a pathetic use of time!! What's really sad is, while you are holding on to something devestating the person who wronged you is out enjoying their life. So why don't you; especially if you claim that you didn't do anything wrong?!



If you have anger, fear, pain, hate or unforgiveness in your heart resolve that today is the day that you take steps to releasing it. Hate and love cannot exist in the same home. No matter how hard you try. It's like when I ate those pancakes and then tried to work out-oxymoron!! Let it go so that you can go forth in good health. It isn't the end of the world. Congratulate yourself for passing through yet another test. The best is yet to come, I have seen it with my own eyes. Don't use your resources (energy and words) to magnify or dignify someone who you deem unworthy. Remember energy makes things grow. So take back your powers and use them for good.







The word of the day is- FORGIVE

Walls

Just like granite, is the strength of the walls that I've erected to keep you, especially you, OUT. Knowing that if you penetrated even the first layer, you would be privy to my innermost workings. I continue to fight, block, kick and punch....whatever it takes to keep you as far away as possible. In response you do not saw, you do not plummet. You gently remind me of who we are, who we were and who we are destined to be.

Damn. Is that a layer falling? The noise of the crumbling surrounds me and completely distracts me from locking down my fortress twenty-fold. In fact the noise proves to be intoxicating. The necessary chaos to the superlative order in which I've so articulately created is slowly unfolding right before my eyes. I like it. I think I like it.

Before long we're entwined, connected like thorns to a rose bush. Now, I wear your scent. Now your touch motivates me and IS my reason.

I'm so embarrassed.  I am so confused. I thought that these feelings were long gone. A simple, or complex thing of the past. And with a few single acts every emotion, every tingle has returned with great force. Robustly plunging against the tides of my walls demanding that I remove my guard are the forces of this, this thing. I feel myself succumbing to the gravital pull and I am enjoying every uncertain moment of it. Every sweet kiss. Every gentle touch. Every layer crumbling beneath my feet like gravel. Every moment your eyes show your soul. Everyday I get closer to you.

Peace

At this very moment, I exist in a world free of chaos. Floral arrangements perfume the area and gentle breezes carry the aromas above and beneath me. The only sound that I hear is the rustle of the leaves from playing in the wind. There are no phones, no work emails no one is requiring a single thing. I don't require the company of anyone other than the God in me. All I see is peace. All I smell is peace. All I feel is peace.

The Stillness of My Heart

Her touch gives me chills.
When she looks at me I feel like she is peering into the depths of my soul.
I thought it was gone.
Carefully tucked away in the "do not disturb files".
Then with the slip of the Jack and a hint of the Goose, all these feelings and confessions came loose.
Looking at us fearfully and faithfully not knowing what could or would happen next.
Now I wonder if I should tuck it all away again or if I should be patient to see this through.
I am so afraid. But this love is too strong and there is no turning back.
Quiet you soul. Quiet you mind. Quiet you heart. Be still.
Just be still.

Command NOT Demand Attention

There is an art to commanding attention. It doesn't really require very many words. It simply asks for a naturally mysterious and intelligent force of energy that can only be given off by a confident person. I watch so many young women in their need to proverbially vomit on others with an unnecessary amount of meaningless chatter at the most inappropriate times. Of course parallel to this sort of personality are the young women who feel the incessant need to be LOUD; screaming at the top of their lungs all while holding an invisible neon sign up saying: PLEASE LOOK AT ME I NEED ATTENTION. Now most people will probably shake their heads as they read this because they know people who mirror my descriptions. But this type of personality also has a more subtle and quiet cousin. This is the personality which feels the need to be included in EVERYTHING. They will even force themselves into situations which may not have been the best fit for them after all. It is annoying. It is counterproductive and in many cases annoying.

How do such personalities form? If I had the answers I would have a degree in Psychology and a pseudo-perfect life of some sort. We all know that neither of the aforementioned are of the affirmative. But as I spend time with these needy personalities I've learned a few things-
1. Many of them have no clue that they are doing "the most".
2. Something happened to them usually in childhood where they became deficient in normal loving attention to make them feel secure in who they are.
3. They want so desperately to feel loved and included but lack the natural charismatic means to accomplish this.

*sighs*

I don't really know what else to say about this. But I know that there is a way to command the type of attention that so many people seem to need so badly. However the irony of the matter is that once you begin the process of self fulfillment you won't really need such lump sums of attention....but you will get tons of it. Because then you will be the lady with so much depth, or the person that everyone wants to be around, or the girl with so much mystery. You see energy is a real powerful force. And people require the need to share and synergize energy. So when you give off good healthy vibes people will want to be next to you at any costs. You will not have to scream, wear inappropriate clothing, be afraid of silence or force yourself in situations. Your presence will speak for itself.

I challenge you dear Queens to let your prescence speak for itself. Now what your prescence says depends on your track record and levels of inner peace.

Love Mis-Connection

I really don't know where to start with this one. Please feel free to plug your device into my brain to extract all of the data that I wish to share. Oh, what? You can't download the files? They're corrupt? ooooh ok, I see. I guess I will have to spill the beans then.

Without fail my girls and I will find our way into a conversation about dating, love and expectations. It usually starts with us sitting in the "Trio" living room with our assortment of spirits randomly discussing our week. Then someone else will chime in, and the conversation will have this unique ripple effect stimulating an array of ideas and meaningful dialog.

Most recently while Talya, Ray and I were sitting in our living room (hence "the trio") we began to ask Ray a few questions about her new guy friend. He'd been by a few days in a row and he even played guitar for June and I to have an impromptu singing groove session. He seemed withdrawn, timid, smart, scary and cool all at the same time. You know he looked like "I don't want to be a murderer but I will be a murderer if I'm bored that night." In retrospect (again) I wish I wouldn't have asked Ray so many questions about this dude who we affectionately have nicknamed "Jonas" (as in Brothers); because the information that she shared next was hilariously strange! She said in the midst of sex he literally stopped and said "promise me you won't cheat." What the EFFIN-F-Pop!!?? So many thoughts swirled through my mind *negro when did we get into a committed relationship?* After Talya and I looked in disbelief, the laughter seemed to pour from us all in the same manner that the wine was magically entering our cups. Sadly, Ray was not joking. What's all the more funny is her answer to him: "umm sure I promise."

As time passed we started to see less and less of Jonas but he seemed to call more than a Collections Agent, Parole Officer and a Baby Mama looking for child support all in one. He started to appear clingy and spineless. Was he the woman in the non-existing relationship? Hmmmm......Now this wasn't our only topic for discussion. I had to discuss the woman who called AND text messaged me at 4:17 in the morning on the freakin' 4th of July. This woman continued to call me that entire day demonstrating her neediness and pathetic desperation. Then when I finally sent a response it was via text and simply said "Why did you think it was ok to text me so early in the morning?" The girls found this part of the discussion a bit more amusing than I did. Maybe because they weren't the ones being phone stalked. I mean who calls someone that they've JUST met that early in the morning on a holiday? Ugh clingy, inconsiderate and insecure people drive me insane. (I sure hope that when I grow up I become sane *sniggles*)


After we shared our stories and disbursed into our separate living quarters I started to survey all of my single friends and how we approach dating. Our approach and outlook is NOTHING like that of the movies, or like our older family members. It is truly laissez-faire. We are so secure in our skin doing our own thing that everyone is ALWAYS trying to get in our mix. We're reinvented the model that tells young women that their only purpose in life is to be someone's wife and mother (not that there is anything wrong with that, and quite frankly it is admirable...but that's not our only option). It's almost like we are so used to the low-pits of "southern" dating that we would almost rather not bother. There have been people seriously interested in me, but I am so engulfed in my family life, my work and my projects that I simply don't have the time. I think I purposely stay so exhausted with my daily life so that I can remain focused and not thrown off track by the "next best thing". And then, I just don't feel like babysitting another human being. I don't want to convince anyone of who they are and what they mean to me. I don't feel like sharing all my dirty secrets AGAIN to have them thrown back in my face. I don' feel like someone giving me the 10th degree when I don't answer my phone that I pay for. When did things become so complicated? Why can't two people be attracted to one another on a multi-dimensional level and make things work? Does anyone value the personal space of others anymore? Is everyone crazy, or is it just me, my friends and the people that we meet?

I wish I had the answers to these questions. But we all know that I am coming up short. If only people could be honest with themselves first, maybe they would walk into a situation and say "I am needy", "I am a basket case", "I am afraid of being cheated on", "I'm in love with Alf"....or whatever your thing is so that folks would at least know what they are getting themselves into. Because in the middle of intimacy or at 4:17 in the morning is MOSTLY NOT the time to tell someone who you are.

Not Cool

Isn't it funny how many people ignore you when they believe you are a nobody? Insignificant. Unpopular. Unattractive. Simply not cool.
I mean if you aren't shaking your ass, or degrading people in your art then you are absolutely irrelevant. Uninteresting. Unacceptable. Simply not cool.

I've never heard a child quoting Alice Walker or Sojourner Truth. Nah....they're just too busy quoting rap lines by thug-kind, hoping they don't get much time....behind bars. Leaving this generation with mind scars and a grand dream of fancy cars. As if that's all there is to life.

But it's OK. It's really OK. I've come to grips with being insignificant, unpopular, unattractive and simply not cool. And to the masses who believe that this is true you aren't worth the energy birthed from my loins in the first place in fact you are a disgrace and I turn my whole face. Because to the ear of the literary and to the soul of the intelligent, I am significant. I am phenomenal. I am interesting. I am magnificent.

I am history in the making.

Now how cool is that?

Why me?!

Why is it that when we go through things we always say "Why me?"

~Marinate~

As tempting as it is to start a small pity party, are we really that selfish? Do we really believe that things should flow perfectly in an imperfect world at a sub-perfect time? Oh I know where the idea stems: The media, the superficial chicks who do their best to create this facade of perfect peace and maybe the prison of our own minds. Be not dismayed-Every situation, every challenge is an opportunity for refinement. Every "NO" is but an opportunity to work toward "YES". But instead of drinking from the glass half full we chose to turn the glass over and spite it by sulking into a negative place. Then we place a label on it and medicate it hoping that we will feel better. But we never get better. Because there was never anything wrong with us in the first place. We are always asking the Most High for more but refusing the master the less.

Who told you that life would be easy?
How can 208 bones, 3 parts of equal flesh, soul and spirit and over 1 million arteries be easy?

Surely you jest and mock the very opportunity that you've been presented with! Surely you jest and mock our creator continuously.

You have an opportunity to overcome,  succeed and surpass skies and orbit amongst the greats. So "why not you?"

Why. Freakin'. Not. You?

Adjustment Bureau

Tonight I watched an interesting movie called: The Adjustment Bureau. I was completely impressed. The movie gave me everything that I crave, especially the higher order of intelligence. The Bureau claims to make subtle changes to our lives so that we stay on our destined paths. They claim to do this because humans lack the ability to make selfless, good and sound decisions. The Adjustment Bureau gave several examples to further drive home the point of why they do what they do. Then I started to think about this crazy world that we've created. Our world now is based on "things", and greed and power. We over-consume our natural resources and take things from others whenever we want it. Then we call it war. Then we come back and call it peace.

What if there were a real life Adjustment Bureau? Would we be better? Would our world be better? So many questions gathered in my brain. So many scenarios become present in my pysche. Then amidst all of the what-ifs I realized that we should be so thankful for our free will. We are allowed to do whatever we want. We are given the freedoms and the corresponding creativity to send a man to the moon and connect with family and friends thousands of miles away within a few seconds. But what do we do with it? Are we being our best? Are we making the most of our free will? How are we using our free will to make our earthly home a better place?

Almost immediately I began to pray. I said "Dear God thank you for my free will. I will do my best to never take it for granted again. Please guide my steps so that I don't make selfish and wreckless decisions." Peace quickly enveloped my spirit as though God had been waiting him or herself to hear me speak those exact words. You see, NOTHING in this world is absolutely free. Yes, surfacely we are provided with free will, but with every action comes a reaction. How many times have we used our free will to be selfish for all of the wrong reasons? How many times has our free willed decisions caused harm to someone or something?

While you are pondering these things and I hope that you will at least give this some thought, I ask that you be thankful for your free will. Be thankful for all of the liberties and luxuries that you have now. Stop taking your blessings for granted. Stop mocking God with your selfishness and false sense of entitlement, as He/She owes you nothing.

NOTHING

The game of life

When I think of life, I think of one of those video games which take forever to “win” or complete. Think about it: You spend your time trying to get to the next level. Many times you make the same errors over and over again; and those errors prevent you from going forward. Eventually after time and practice you begin to understand what you did wrong and how you can progress with grace. A similar synopsis happens as you move and groove from level to level. In fact you can remain at any given level for as long as you choose to ignore the essentials for moving forward. It’s only after practice, patience and precision that you finally reach the end of the game. Then once you master that series, you feel empowered, and if you are giving you will take the time to teach others how to master it and move forward. But a challenge hungry person knows that you never stop learning and that as long as you have breath in your body you must press on.

Let me leave you with this:


Remember friends, it doesn’t matter when you get to your finish line as long as you get there.

Stay in your lane. Perfect your mission based on God’s Will and the life choices that you’ve elected.

We will never master life. There will always be challenges. But the sooner we learn to operate in faith with a glass half full mentality the better our quality of life will be.
 
Peace and Blessings

Writing.....

was my second choice. I really wanted to be a singer. Except, when I sing I get so nervous that I forget words and lose my pitch completely. *sighs* Then one day when I was writing a song in the messy red book where I keep all of my random thoughts, poems and other stuff.........I realized that I wasn't actually writing a song. I was writing a story. The rest is becoming history.

I've written a book. I Elizabeth Goree wrote a book. This fact has become more and more real with each passing day. Yes, the process hasn't gone exactly as I dreamed it. But, it is teaching me patience and courage: Two attributes which have no price tag.

Simply explaining that I am thankful does this project no justice. Only the Most High could orchestrate such a victory. Now, my eyes are burning with the smell of tired and none of that seems to matter. It doesn't matter that when I am done working I will return home to a half cleaned room and a mountain of other tasks which need my attention. It also doesn't matter that I have a work week exceeding 60 hours ahead of me. As I look over at my new Personal Assistant, and listen to her share the ins and outs of my calendar, the only thing that I can do is smile.

We've come a long way baby.....and the best is yet to come. Stay tuned :)

The Audacity of a Dash

I must truly say that I am thankful every single day that I awaken. I don't care if the sky is grey and renders forth rain, or if the sun is covered by a blanket of clouds or if it is so cold, I can barely feel my toes. No matter what, I am thankful. When I didn't know how I was going to pay my bills, I still remained thankful....for I would get another chance to try again. So it is imperative that I give great thanks in all that I do, as a preface of all that I say and think. I want to project the right reflection. (Work in progress)

Ummmm, my life. (and I know you didn't ask me anything about my life, but it's my blog) My life is an interesting series of events complete with laughter, camaraderie, pain, passion, hard work, impromptu adventures, nearly "no" balance whatsoever; and most importantly no regrets. The thing about a life for a Liz is, we (that is me, and all of the other variations of Elizabeth's that I've either been or will become---yep, I said that) live outloud. And when you live outloud, you leave yourself wide open for whatever may come. Sometime that is applause, sometime it is chastisement, sometime it is just open dialog, sometime you get questions and sometime you just get whatever the recipient is feeling at that time. It is easy to tell someone like me: How good their life is, when you believe that you have a good grasp of it based on what I decide to display. Or, it is also easy to tell someone like me about all of their flaws, challenges and room for growth. I can deal with all of that. But what seems to disturb me is that the quiet, deceitful and narcissistic people who are soooo broken that they inflict and attract pain wherever they go in private....are never quite so fortunate to get all of the many opinions that an "outloud" person seems to get. Perhaps misery loves company. I will never get it. Which is why my thoughts will not move past this electronic page. But this type of breed will  use everything as their ammunition. They will turn every single statement around. They will lie, even when they don't know that they are lying. They will allow evasiveness, fear, pain and other things to gain the "oooooh, I understand" and the "awwww, well no matter you did what you did; you've been hurt". One of my new favorite lines from this personality type is "You are wrong, your such and such even agreed with me." Now, isn't that interesting? Two imprefect people who claim to be friends, using me as the "medium" for such a friendship. At first, upon hearing such a thing, my initial response was mental defense. But then I decided to do the opposite of what I would normally do. I did nothing. I said nothing. I allowed this person to vent and feel whatever they were feeling. I mean they are entitled to it. And just because they were saying it didn't mean that it held any higher power than all of the other feelings in the world. In fact, I've decided to simply reflect, heal, repent and find peace (again) within. This may take some time. I am learning that not everything requires a response. Maybe if we get quiet enough sometime and stop trying to save the world, we may, just may be able to save our own world first.

But, you will never guess what happens next?!---When the person who is always moving, talking and doing, gets quiet.....You guessed it!!: There must be something wrong with me. Sighs....When in fact there isn't a thing wrong, minus an incorrigible headache. I am just watching, seeing, thinking and resting. I don't think it's crazy at all: I call it evolution. Every-Thing, every dynamic must, at some point change. Otherwise it stands on the harbors of stagnation and the curb of insanity. I will pass on either extreme.

What does all of this rambling mean? ( I am asking myself that)
Yesterday, at a funeral, someone stood and made such an impression on me. He said: When you die, on your grave site, they write your date of birth, place a dash and list your date of death. Now, it really isn't about the dates listed on either end. It is about that little dash in between. That little bitty dash says it all. It reflects how we treated ourselves and others. It reflects our ability to make good decisions. It will show whether or not we were true to our purposes. It will show what impact we made on the world, if any. It will provide peace to those that we shared our love and appreciation with. Or, it can say something else completely.-----So I have decided: I will be kind to all. I will respect expiration dates (all expiration dates). I will continue to live outloud, but maybe a few decibels lower and I will make every single day count as a reflection of something greater than self. After all, life can be over in a dash.

I admit.............

Sometime, I have no idea how something will get paid; but I always have the faith that my needs will be met.
Sometime, the landing on a plane ride jolts me so much that I wonder if it will be my last; but I clench my arms and breath real slow, believing that that day won't be my last.
Sometime when a friend is sad, I want to reach in and show them why happiness is available; instead I only make matters worse.
Sometime, I rehearse what I will say first, to make sure that my old 6 year old lisp doesn't come back to haunt me.
Sometime, I don't answer the phone because I am tired an I know you only use me as a proverbial garbage can for your trash; and I simply can't deal with it.
Sometime, when people get loud, I get quiet because there simply isn't enough room for both of us in this space.
Sometime, the smallest things make me cry. But I will never show my tears to you.
Sometime when things are too chaotic, and I feel control slipping through my fat fingers, I start to clean because if nothing else, I can control that.
Sometime I like to go places alone. I enjoy the company of myself, and don't feel like being bothered with the daunting task of entertaining a person who cannot entertain themselves.
Sometime, I ask questions that I already know the answer to.
Sometime, I wonder why I am still in Houston.
Sometime I wonder why you are still in my life.
Sometime, I wonder so much that my brain loses connection and the next thing I know...............................

Fear Not

Black girl, you change your hair every few weeks. You wear bright orange shoes and put names on your body.....but you are afraid of change for the better. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid to speak up. Afraid to let your feelings be heard right at the moment that they need to be heard. Afraid to say no. Afraid to leave him, because you've always had him and don't know how you will pay your bills. Afraid to get on a plane to see new terrain. But you get up and speak before hundreds. You have given birth. But, yet you are still afraid.

What can mere man do to you? Are we not created equal? Of what strength do I hold in my hands that you are not also able to hold? Are your feelings so fragile that you do not even attempt a different direction for fear you may hear the word NO? Are you so dependent on a title that it defines you?

*Marinate*

Black girl, you glow with radiance only seen in the eternal Pyramids of Egypt. Your voice is rich and velvety and can command a crowd of thousands. Your curves stop people in their tracks, unable to resist the urge to look back. Your body is a living testimony. Your heart is of the purest silver. So, why are you afraid? Why must you take the easy way out? Because in the end, the easy way is a lazy way. And a lazy way is a hazy way. And once that haze clears from the spiritual clarity that has now been revived after laying dormant in your soul...you will be ashamed, hurt, perplexed and embarrassed that you wasted so much time. Time the only resource that we cannot get back. Wasted so much time with an outfit made out of facade. Wasted so much time doing nothing. Wasted so much time reading into things, when your ass should have been reading-things. Wasted so much time trying to hold on to someone who has an influence similar to that of a cancer. And when it is all said and done, I will ask you one simple question: Was your fear worth it?

Fear Not My Sisters and Walk in your Divine Prosperity. It is your RIGHT.

Not Guilty

I won’t feel guilty because……


I’ve chosen not to experience the fruit of the womb

I choose to buy a plane ticket over a bag of shoes

I choose to have Happy Hour in my own home

I choose to plan a trip not to the Caribbean but to Rome



I won’t feel guilty because…..

I’m living my life the way I want

In my delivery I tend to be blunt

I challenge the “old fashion way” whenever I can

I’m completely comfortable without a man



I won’t feel guilty because…..

I don’t want chaos in my space

I don’t want friends and family who feel life is a race

I dance to my own beat

Of what I choose to eat



I won’t feel guilty because….

I tell you no

I said so

I’m living my life

I don’t want to be anyone’s wife

Sunflower

I wonder if a sunflower knows that it’s a flower


I mean it grows under quite tumultuous conditions

Usually among the weeds

And in sweltering heat



I wonder if the other flowers with their sweet fragrance ever taunt the sunflower

Do they laugh at the sunflowers ability to wear its seeds around its neck?

How many people have overlooked the sunflower because it didn’t appear flowery enough?

Did they pass it up because it will not quietly fit into a jar or a vase?

Or maybe they passed it up because it requires too much effort to roll up sleeves and grab the sunflower in its natural terrain.



Now I laugh as I hear stories of the sunflower, and the jests made at its very existence. Some may not understand the growth cycle of the flower, or that it requires a challenging foundation to sustain. Some may not understand the complexity of the flower, even though its inner workings are right before their eyes in the form of seeds. But, I…I have an eye for the sunflower. It is beautiful. It is majestic. It is absolutely breath-taking. There isn’t a vase or a jar which could ever do it justice. So, grow, grow sunflower. Be as bold as the Universe intended. I will just admire you, groom you and encourage you in all your glory.

Long may our land be bright

Bigger is always better in America. Unless, of course you are fat. Big guns, big wars and big cars to show off our big money. Except, the guns are being made overseas by children. The wars are being fought for oil or whatever unknown reason the government likes to discuss over tea in the oval office. The oil is being ripped (or spilled) from land where people live, work and pray. That oil then comes by big planes so that we can process it, to make gasoline for our big cars. Where we stand in line at pumps to pay big money for it.....Then you have the tops of mountains being blown off to gather the coal which lay beneath. BIG, BIG ideas!!

Damn, this breathes new meaning to: I've seen the mountain top.

One day, it's here and the next it's gone....just so we can burn that coal to create big energy to power on the big switches in our big houses; even though it's just two of us who live there anyway. BIG, BIG ideas!!

Laughing. Crying. Confused.

But you say; Don't leave the country, it aint safe out there?? Naw fool, it aint safe in here. We find the purest places, and set our sights on it's beauty; then we destroy it.

Land where my Fathers Died, no truer words have been said or sung. "De Facto".

I shake my head and wonder will our empire have to collapse like that of Rome or of Greece for us to understand that there is no greed in love. And if it isn't in love, then surely it cannot be in life.

We sit cozy in our large abodes, resting our permed hair on down pillows as the fire place keeps us warm. Steady slapping God in his face by altering our bodies, hair and land....and for what? Por Que??? It's all part of one BIG problem.


Verse 4, in the key of C-
Our fathers' God to Thee,



Author of liberty,


To Thee we sing.


Long may our land be bright,


With freedom's holy light,


Protect us by Thy might,


Great God our King.

Word

Rain washes over my face cleansing me of all iniquities and transgressions; thrusting me into a place of progression….endless, outstanding, blessings.




The sun beats down upon my face, warming my soul and healing all holes which once existed and have been replaced with wishes.



I breathe life, because I pack light.

I’m Christ’s wife, because I live right.

My favor overflows because I pray at night.



Breezes dance across my face giving me new promise and direction; removing me from proverbial congestion….which use to keep me still, not growing, not real.



The universe embraces me with a kiss, reminding me of the love in my heart; pushing me to complete the projects which I start….which once was my downfall, but now I can conquer all.



See, I breathe life, because I pack light.

I’m God chosen because I love right.

My prosperity overflows because I don’t slight.



Peace & Blessings to my readers :)

Converse

How can we think that this behavior of instant gratification is healthy, moral or productive?
I believe that there is power in patience and supernatural peace in simplicity.

How quickly, we've forgotten. How quickly we've forgotten.

So enthralled with today's newest phase, so amazed by everything we can get done in one day....
that we've................ forgotten to be patient and to just enjoy one another. No time for our fellow brother.

My mission is to turn every text message into a conversation.
.....turn every tweet about what's wrong with our world into a handwritten letter to our congressman fully justified, and all.
.....take every electronic reader and pile them high enough so that children can step on them and reach books, to read and allow their young imaginations to grow.

We are so quick to press, send, end, delete and enter that we forgot about the warmth of conversation and the smell of a hardback novel. Ummmm, I can still smell my first trip to the Library. One of the gentlest feelings, I've ever know.

How can we think that this behavior of instant gratification is healthy, moral or productive?



I don't know if anyone is hearing my message. But I am praying that my words rise off the proverbial page and plant a seed so deep down inside you that your skin crawls and outrage forms and you join me in enjoying the fruits of patients and the magnificent rest of peace.

Selah

My Aha Moment!

I get it! I FINALLY get it. Many times when we take on a project, we are driven by what we want the end result to be. When you go to school, it's to get your diploma >so that you can make more money>so that you can better provide for yourself and/or family. You are driven by the end result. But sometime we are so focused on what's to come, or where we've been that we forget to simply bask in the meantime or the transitional period. How can we forget about the "now"?

I have news for you: The joy is in the transitional period.

Now I know that every tear, every big hearty laugh, every debt, every lost job, every zero balance, and every time I felt like my world was crashing down on me was all part of the transitional period. It was all part of preparing me and refining me for such a time as this.

You see, I couldn't write a book if I didn't have a story to tell. So the next time you are wondering how the hell you ended up where you are: Breathe, accept it and embrace the transitional period. That's where the joy is.

Liz Rant-What Really Grinds my Gears!!

This is a bonafied Liz Rant. It probably will have no structure or real point. But hey, to know me is to love me:

1. Why do some men NOT get a clue?- If you've asked for my number and the answer is a respectable NO, then move around. I am NOT the one to try your new "Who Moved My Cheese" sales training on. You can't offer a rebuttal. You can't get to the root of the issue. You talking to me is the issue. Don't disrespect me and I won't disrespect you.
2. Me being attracted to women is NOT a phase- You can not change me back to something I never was. Can you change my black skin? No....well maybe so: vitalago.com/bleach----But this is who I am. Please save us all the trouble and stop trying. You cannot plant your seed in my bush. LOL
3. It seems that me being me, is no longer good enough for society, so I have decided that in order to one day have the hopes of growing old with an enhancing partner I will do the following-Have 21 liposuctions on a weekly basis. I will straighten my hair. In fact I will straighten it so much that the texture changes and now, I am left with rotten, dangling ends that I won't allow the stylist to cut, not EVER. To hide the bad ends, I will just do a roll and tuck to keep the ends "hidden". Then as the alcohol in my body starts to take its toll and eat away at my scalp, I will start wearing long lace front wigs. Whatever it takes to look like the models on TV.----NOT. I GUESS IT'LL BE ME AND SWEET JESUS 4-EVA BECAUSE I REFUSE TO SMITE GOD BY SAYING THAT WHAT HE'S GIVEN ME ISN'T SUITABLE.

4. Finally, why can't two interesting people be friends without the assumption that they are sleeping together. I don't care if we are in the same bed and your nipples are gently caressing my pelvic bone and it's cold outside. If we are just friends. We are JUST friends...and no Disrespectful "Zebadiah" you cannot watch!!!

Wish List

My sisters, my beautiful sisters....*sighs* I am sure that we all have a laundry list of qualities that we would like in a mate. But stop. Stop just for a moment. Line up the list of qualities that you want. Now, place a check mark by every one of those qualities that you actually possess.

Sidebar- We should have expectations. We should know what we want and do not want. There should be some absolutes in our lives because if we don't have those, we are basically saying "Whatever you give me, I'll TAKE it."

But, for everything which we desire, those absolutes like:
He/She should be employed, honest, financially stable, have a relationship with God.
Are we employed, honest, financially stable, in a relationship with God? If we answered no to either of those; we should return to the drawing board; OR- simply take this time to work on us. Of course, working on self should be an ongoing task. I know, my personal goal is to always be better, in health and in every other area of my life. I start some of those projects, get discourage and stop. Then I start again in hope and determination, as we all should. But before we go knocking all sisters and brothers saying that they are trash, or there aren't any good suitors around; we should really look at ourselves. The people that we attract are simply a mirror image of our standards.

All, I want for my beautiful sisters is that we stop looking for someone to fix us, or read our minds or to even save us. A Partner is supposed to enhance us; partner with us in life. But how can their be enhancement, if nothing exists???? We have to dig deep and deal with issues about our hair, weight, sexuality, communication skills, body parts that we don't care for, lack of education, the fact that we are divorcee's or the fact that we have kids, or the fact that we were molested, or the fact that we've been abused. We have to be real with ourselves, first, so that the healing and building process can start. At the end of the day, who wants to enter a partnership of any kind if the person has stability issues, can't be honest about who they are or can't "hold down a household" if the opportunity presented itself? Finally, I have learned that just because a person has potential, what good is that if they don't see it and activate it.

Take time to heal, grow, find passions and fall so deep in love with us first. Everything else will come in the appointed time. Let's take this journey together. I have a good feeling about this whole process.

Peace & Blessings :)

Open your damn mouth and speak

I'm confused by the state of our union, or shall I say unity. This crazy microwave generation has zapped every single thing. Nothing hides from it. Sometime I want to reach into the mouths of grown people, who finished elementary, intermediate and high school who are unable to effectively articulate their wants and needs; and pull the words out of their mouths.
What the hell happened? Do we even know what we want?
People text their hopes, dreams, business transactions....what's next? Will you text a marriage proposal? Will you accept that way?

I am completely confused. I mean who among us can read minds? Even a baby makes a noise when he/she isn't feeling well, or when he/she needs something before they are able to talk. Why can't adults follow suit?

You can't expect anything from someone unless you share your expectations. Period. Learn to open up and properly articulate what you want and need. You just may get it.

Representative

Everything reminds me of you. Every song, every scent, almost everything, some way somehow, causes your face to cross my mind.

I can't believe that things ended the way that they did. But I do believe that you showed me who you were. Who, you are. I've been told in the past that when someone shows you who they are, that I should believe them. So I guess, I am now in total belief.  Perhaps, I can believe that things ended the way they did. Total realization that you are not the person whom I fell in love with. You almost had me fooled though. you had a bunch of people fooled, possibly. When you said that no one liked you, or when you said what this one said about you wasn't true...I had your back. You had my total support. But you see a person can only display their "representative" for so long, before they crack in several small pieces. And when they crack and the real-person is revealed and you learn their true motives, thoughts and desires. You see everyone can't be lying about you. Everyone can't all share the same opinions in error. You are that person. That empty, spiteful, angry, hurt, bitter, negative, closed off, insecure, petty, over analytical, manipulative, evasive person who is unable to form real meaningful relationships, communicate effectively, think before acting and most importantly recognize real, authentic love when you see it. You are trapped in the prison of your own ailing mind. Or, or, maybe it really is just me. Maybe, I am making all this up, like everyone else in an effort to "hurt you". Yes, yes, you are that significant. Sure, whatever lets you sleep at night. Whatever brings you peace. IF, you know the meaning of such a word in it's spiritual sense. *laughing/crying*

Everything reminds me of you. I think of your laugh. I think of the silly things we used to say and do. I think about our ill thought out plans and adventures. I think about you telling me about your weird dreams. I think of the three of us in our daily activities. The little voice still rings in my ear. But, now when I think of you, I do not smile. No, I am not moved to glee. I simply wonder "why?"; then I shake my head and realize that the only thing that really matters are the last words you uttered to me. Those words help to snap me back out of a temporary insane moment where I think of returning your messages. Those words remind me of why things are the way they are.

I've made some interesting decisions in my life. But choosing to go forward, alone, in peace is the best decision I've ever made. And, if you know anything about me; once I put one foot in front of the other, I progress. I do not regress, retract or reverse.

I can't wait 'till everything starts to again remind me of me again. I just can't wait :)

Cluttered Mind

So many thoughts tonight:

My book is being edited
Soon the community will hear my voice
Next the world

My plate is full, and I am working hard to ensure that nothing falls off
But inevitably, something, someone will fall off
That's just the way it is
Manifest, destiny? Perhaps

When it's all said and done, she and she will say I was negligent and that I wasn't there
But in actuality, I've been here all along
Well, I guess geographically; but spiritually and mentally I'm soaring on a plane which has an altitude that can't be measured.
That's what happens when you resolve to push

I wish I could say that I didn't see any of this coming
But, I knew as a small child that one day I'd leave such a big foot print that not even the sands of time could bury it

Yep, I knew all alone.

Time to be better

I thought I knew it all. I was too smart for my own good, but the things that were truly important didn't seem to resonate in my life. It was like the earth kept spinning, the seasons changed, time shifted forward...but some things remained the same. Why? I wonder why:

don't we take the time to properly investigate a situation or person before we make a temporary thing, permanent?

do we purchase things that we can't fully afford now; or that we won't be able to part with later?

do we continue to entertain words without actions?

do we keep falling in love with potential, when we should view the person standing before us as they are now, not as they could be?

don't we step back and look at how we've done things if we don't like where we are in life?

But they say, that when we know better, we do better. Do we? Do we, do better? What is better? Is it a nice house? Nice shoes and clothes? A fancy vehicle? No, in my opinion; better is a sense of peace which doesn't require that we offer a rebuttal to every item stated. Better is the ability to see things for what they really are, without emotion or bias. Better is investing our time in productive things, people and activities. Better is being happy with it all, embracing the ability to adapt to things which aren't as appealing. Better is, ensuring that our words match our actions. Better is knowing who we are, so that when we are accused of things, called out our names or gossipped about, we don't even flinch; because: THEY WERE NOT TALKING TO US....and; furthermore their opinion isn't worth the breath which uttered it.


I am becoming evermore aware of what is bonafide, and what is temporal. I suspect that I am well on my way up a path of prosperity, goodness and love. I suspect that I am beginning to make decisions not simply based on words, feeling or emotion, but based on substance and practicality. I suspect, maybe, just maybe I am doing better.

P.S. Thank you all for reading my blog. This blog makes number 101; it's nearly 2 years strong and the best is yet to come.

Speak to me

Speak to me.
Tell me something that you haven't already said.
Make me laugh.
Make me think.
Make me smile.
But please don't make me cry.

Speak to me.
Tell me something that warms my soul.
Include all of your best adjectives.
Include all of your childhood memories.
Make me dream.
Make me swoon.
Make me want.
But please don't make me cry.

Speak to me.
....in complete sentences
Tell me what you want to do.
Tell me where you want to go.
Tell me what you think of me.
Make me sniggle.
Make me imagine.
Make me learn.
But please don't make me cry.

The Amazing Work of Art

It's a beautiful Saturday.

Houston, must be back in Mother Nature's good graces, because today it is warmer than it has been in days. There is no rain, fog, or anything to keep us from gazing upon the land just as far as our eyes were intended.

My thoughts, like most days are fighting for space in my brain, as I continue to learn balance. I am sure the thoughts are wondering which of them I will give precedence to. Hmmmmm...laundry, homework, book. HA, none, I am headed to a dinner cruise and any moment my ride will be here. Today, I will just "be".

Speaking of the book, I finally have a title for it. I will share it with the world for the first time in about 10-days, once the photo shoot is completed, the agreement is signed (legalities, etc..) and the Illustrator has the completed cover.

I look back to fall of 2009 when I began this blog. Many people, didn't think I would maintain the blog regularly; and some just heard air when I said "one day these collective thoughts will be a book". All of that is fine with me. If I weren't such the "underdog" it would not be possible to write such a "soon to be best-seller book".

I believe that when you want something bad enough (relationships, a job, education, etc...) in spite challenges, red-flags and proverbial "no's" you should exhaust ALL resources to make sure you get what you want. This doesn't cease, not even when it is uncomfortable for you. If you need to learn to communicate clearly to have better relationships: Take a class, do whatever it takes, seek help, whatever. If you want to finish college, take a class, any class, even when you "may not feel like it"............And when you want to write a book, you don't sulk and cry when the first publisher you sent your manuscript to asks these questions:

1. Does your book have a title yet?? I mean it needs a title. Who's gonna look at it without a title?
2. How does your book glorify God?
3. (wasn't listening to the 3rd question, sounded like wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa)

....And then brush you off with an unassuming, lackadaisical attitude. No, you dust yourself off and say: I want this and I will NOT stop until I get it. You push. Cry. Fall. Get back up. Push. Cry. Push. Laugh. Push. Cry. Push, until all of the no's have fallen away and the only thing statistically possible to hear is- YES

(laughing) My book Glorifies God because he made me; and the fact that I am still standing with a sharp mind, a loving heart and a real willingness to grow, learn and contribute is testimate that I AM AN AMAZING WORK OF ART.


Stay tuned people, the best, is yet to come.

A Glimpse of Heaven

I am overwhelmed with emotion right now. It's almost like my spirit has transcended my body and my flesh lays lifeless on the floor in awe by the pure majesty of what is happening. All of the stress from unproductive chatter and nonsense no longer seems to be so heavy.

I've always been a dreamer. I knew from an early age that I was destined for greatness. But something happens inside you when beyond all the negative counterproductive "talk", the lies, the pettiness, the turmoil, the disappointment, the abuse and the pain someone simply says "I'll invest in you. I believe in you". Those words, those simple words came into my heart tonight and humbled me beyond measure. And after those words were spoken, nothing else seemed to matter. Not the forwards, the petty text messages which said nothing of good rapport, not even the subtle voices in my own head which said that I could not do this.

For a brief moment, God showed me a glimpse of victory. And, I must say, it is inspiring and beautiful, just like me.

Welcome 2011..................

I embrace you with open arms, an open heart and a focused mind. I have a feeling that this year is going to provide such a level of clarity. Something on the inside of me says "Elizabeth, soon you will know". I've held on to too many things for too many years. Believing in the things unseen, praying and standing in faith for the potential of some to make itself clear. But now I know that you can only drive one automobile at a time. I cannot drive your car and my car at the same time. I have to let you make the turns that you decide. I have to let others, no matter how much I love them and want to care for them, to be who they are and things there way. I will just be there to help them regroup when they are ready. Love never fails.

The feeling of peace has taken over my whole body and is allowing me to express myself without reservation. For a moment, the sensitvity of some and the progressive desire to over analyze my words, almost had me muted. But I refuse to give in to the "blah". I am going to be who I am and make no apologies for it. Who wants connections which require you to be dishonest or hide your true feelings? Not me.

So much greatness is coming toward me. Soon, my name will be spoken in Bookstores all over the world. My words will finally be appreciated. It's almost like things have completely turned around. This is no mistake. The universe is pleased with me, and I accept it's bounty.

Be good this year Kings and Queens, and remember, just because we're in a new year doesn't mean to leave old things unresolved, it just gives you a new chance to be responsible.