Let's Just Clear the Air before 2010

Now, I am certain that I may look back on this posting and wonder WTH??!! But, all I can do is live for today, because this is all which is certain for now. Most people know me as a kind, upbeat and cool person. I don't get involved with mess. You will find me on the bottom of a "gossip list", and I am pretty open with how I am feeling. So if anyone EVER says that Elizabeth Goree started some "ish" they are straight lying because, by nature I am a "reactor". Sometime this is a good thing, and more times than I'd like to admit, it is very BAD. Very Bad. Sooooo, I am going to break out of the "biblical shell" that my Parents draped me with as a Baby and say what I really feel. Oh and if you don't like what I am saying, please, in Jesus' Mighty Name, change the channel. I will not cry or pass out if you don't read or comprehend what I am saying/feeling. I truly don't care! Here we go:

To all of you who have had an issue with me and lacked the "balls" to come forward and bring it to my attention-You have really ruined a good relationship. I will toot my own horn and say that it will be hard to find someone as supporting and understanding as I. When I am in your corner, I am in it. No doubt. I don't share my heart and my innermost workings so easily and if you betrayed that, do to fear, misunderstandings or straight cowardness; just know YOU DID IT. I tried and I am officially throwing in the towel and leaving it in 2009. I am not angry and I do understand that YOU may have other things happening in your life which require more attention, just know that people find time to nurture what is important to them. Guess, I wasn't that important.

To all of the judgmental people who have spoken out of term and tried to pretend that YOU do not live in a "double life-glass house"....actually, enough said. I will just sit back and watch, I may even crack a giggle or three. Sorry, nice Liz doesn't exist right now.

To all of the people who depended on me to tell them what to do, how to do it, where to go and how to go....consider this the delinquent power bill and I am pulling the plug. Love don't live here anymore.

Now, to all of the kind, supportive, honest and REAL people either that I've met this year or continued to grow with this year, I appreciate you. YOU know who you are, because our lines of communication are NEVER severed, no matter what is happening.

I have made many half thought choices in my life. Hence the fast downward spiral of financial yuck that I have been dealing with. I have said somethings out of hurt and anger, and for that "tone" and only the "tone"; I am sorry. Sincerly. But, I am moving forward. I have forgiven myself and others. But just because I am exercising my forgiveness option does not mean I will forget or that things will be the same. This quiet time has shown me a whole lot; and I am thankful for it. My goal is to be the best me that I can be.

I, remind me of a Huge Dam. Ya know, the kind that holds a large body of water back. I was designed to be strong. I was designed to withstand most things. But even the strongest "Dams" if picked at, tried and abused it will slowly begin to crumble, little by trickling little. Then one day, and without warning (OOOh this is so me) the waters have no choice but to plunge out from behind the Dam. And the water is seperated, parted in so many different directions so that it can never, ever be completely collected again. It's nature. I feel the crumble coming in my structure....I hope that my strength will endure this test, because if I move in varied directions it will NEVER be the same.

TAAA-DAAA

So let me leave you with some "not so nice" but REAL as can be tidbits before I go:

1. If you can not take it-don't do it!!! I can do it soooooooooooooooo much better. And guess what? When I do it, it will be deliberate, calculated, well planned to ensure maximum PAIN and agony.

2. Hahahahahaha there is no Number Two. Just the one.

3. I told you, no number two, so why would you think there was a Number three. Get it together grouch

Peace and Blessings......Nah scratch that...Reciprocity and Redemption!!

Sooooo Random

I am about to share some very personal things....Someone, pour me a drink..and Damn, I miss my Fantastic 4. R, T & T where are you? Let me just say this before I begin. I love my girls with total passion. Don't get me wrong, I have some awesome Childhood friends: K.P, J.A, B.P and the list goes on. But the fantastic 4 is a very interesting group. We are the 30 something (minus 1) ladies, who have it all "Beauty, Class, Charisma, Education and NO REAL RESPONSIBILITIES". We pride ourselves, even in this dim hour that we're all traveling in, on the fact that we can do what we want when we want. We say what we feel, regardless of who is listening. We wear what we want. We wear big, bold, borderline, nappy big/curly hair. We laugh loud and we drink like grown, plus sized fish on the Coast of Mexico with a small side of lime. The point is, they are my Platonic Soul Mates. Even if we miss days w/o talking, we pick up as though we never missed a beat.(Sidebar-Beware the person who really doesn't have friends. Friends are important, and healthy extensions to our lives. They remind us to keep it together. They call us on our shit and ultimately help us stay grounded in this fake ass world). So ladies, I need to see you very soon. Just us!!

Today, I am realizing just how my life is about to change. It is slowly, no scratch that, quickly becoming somewhat SELFless. UGH. I have learned that I am very selfish with myself. I enjoy my freedom. So as I look over at the 2 year old screaming in my ear asking for water, only so he can pour half of it on the ground...I realize now that part of me, goes to him. Not only him but his Mother. Am I ready?? Hell NO!! I don't know the first thing about children. I don't know anything about Mothers (we'll save that subject for another time). I don't know how this child having 2 Mother figures in his life will affect him. I don't know how to save some of me, for him. I am confused and overwhelmed. But the love that I have in my heart won't let me run away in the usual Liz form. Because, after he screams in my ear, bites my leg, pulls my hair, asks me a million "baby talk questions", he will come and kiss me. He'll come and need to be in my arms so that he feels safe. He will come and try to scare me and I will laugh until tears fall because of his facial expressions which are so involved in his actions. Love is an interesting thing. You can't control it. I am secretly wondering if my love will be enough. What if I am NOT up to the challenge?? What if I fail? Oh well; the thought of failure has never stopped me before, so I am going to give this my all. And when I mess up, because I will mess up, I will say that I am sorry, pick us both up and try again. I pray that his Mother will be patient with me, because I am clueless and it will not come overnight.

Right now, as I crunch several pieces of ice in my hot ass mouth (hahahaha, I still haven't brushed my teeth yet); I am wondering what I can do differently in 2010 to seperate my previous attempts into success. I am not for making New Years Resolutions, per se. I am so far passed that. I just need a change. I need the intrinsic desire to step out of the revolving door of BS (as I call it) with matters of my health and my decision making process. I have learned so much. But what good does it do to know and do NADA? Hmmmmm...

I am sober now for 48 hours! And for the record. Sober-ness is overrated (and yes RCM, I know that I should have used "sobriety" as opposed to making up a new word; but I love my made up words). Drinking is good for you, unless it is taking over your whole life. i.e. "Liz why didn't you go to work today?" "Uhhh, because I am DRUNK" this is when you should see the Mormons or the People on A&E for Intervention or something of equal proportions.

Jack and Coke!!! I hope that when the Honey Returns, she has a small sack of Alcoholic Beverages. This 2 year old has worked my nerves. His shirt looks like Chef Boyardee used it in his first batch of food. He is trying to stick a necklace inside of a bottle of water, all while holding a metal Sponge Bob Chair.

I miss my Sisters. I wish that they understood me better. Now, I am NOT one of those Artsy people who feels that "no one" understands me. Because I have tried to explain my need for Quiet when I am at a Cross Road within myself. I have tried to explain that my life is a wee bit different from theirs. I am NOT married. I don't have children or animal children depending on me. I am not as "settled" or fixed in one area. Which means that I have the freedom to get involved with more things, many come with challenges. It also means that when I fall, I lack the luxury of a peaceful rest at night because when I write my check for my bills, I don't have that 2nd income to cushion the account. Thus my thinking is slightly different. I just want that to be respected. Hmmmmm

Right now, my only real prayer is for PEACE! I want to rest at night and wake up well rested. I want to know that I can pay all of my bills. I want my quiet time to reflect and write or do whatever it is that I need to do. I want to open my closet and know that I have the right attire for any occasion. I just want the peace that transcends all understanding. Well, a dream deferred!! I digress. People, I wish you all Peace and Blessings.

Healthy Vent....Or is it???

I am sure that by now, some of you have drawn the conclusion, that I am a very interesting character. If you feel this way; please raise your hand!! Very good boys, girls and transgendered!! Anty-way, as Madea would say...this week has been a very enlightening time for me. I have learned quite a bit about self and others who I deem very important.

Where shall I start? OH yes, this is a preface, and/or disclaimer. I by no means believe that I am without fault. I don't think I am perfect. Nor do I believe that I run anything...hell, I can barely run me. However, one or two things of which I am CERTAIN which seperates me from some "others" is the fact that A. I CAN take constructive criticism. Straight up. I can dish it and take it. B. I am self aware. I know when I am messing up...and if by chance I am not sure, I am not offended if someone calls me on my shit, and I will make a realistic choice as to whether or not I am interested in correcting it....and for shits and giggles let me add an option C. I am REAL-REAL-REAL. I don't try to live 2, 3 and 4 lives because that would be confusing and I just don't see the point. It is, just what it is. Call it confidence. Call it free spirit. Call it the MUTHA-effin truth. Ya dig?? .

I am beyond sick, and I mean biblical, plague of death sick of fakers and shakers. I am tired of people who talk the talk, but trip and fall at best when it is time to walk. I am tired of grown people who gossip, but never address matters with whom they should. I am tired of people doing the same ish over and over again and wondering (Hallelujah) why things keep going the same way. (ENNN-SAN-E-TEE) I am sick of people who think that they are the beez-neez, and if you correct them for their good they take it the wrong way. I am tired of fake Holy people using their mouth to write checks that their actions continue to "return to sender". Just take some time, find who you are and stand on your beliefs. It's like the old saying "If you don't stand for something you WILL fall for anything", and if NOT you directly; your offspring will. Because GOD is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, so, shall he reap. Rather you see it as Karma, or "what goes around comes around". It is what it is; once again.

I am so ready for the new year. Winter is cleansing the day and night and the surroundings thereof; and I am operating the winter principle in my spirit even now. Some things simply wont come with me into 2010; and the ones who MUST come with me, I am praying for the balance and tact to keep my business, mine and theirs, theirs. I am NO longer concerned with helping those who don't want to be helped. I am NO longer concerned with loving the loveless, person...whose love doesn't first start within. I am NO longer interested on pretenses or wearing and/or having things for the sake of the once needed head turn. I want a simple, carefree, loving, healthy and somewhat responsible life. When I come home after a day of smart work, I want to relax with "The Honey" and know that home is safe, clean and cozy. This will be the place that infuses me with the strength needed to go out into the "real world". I want to laugh with my Fantastic 4, My sisters and the true friends and colleagues which have shown themselves to me recently. At the end of the day, I want to know that I did my best. I spoke and YES (spelled) my best. That I left some sort of impact on this wretched, commercial, spend all your money on one day of the year world. Ok, I am slowly sliding off my soap box...ouch...ass is stuck to the soap box...whew, Jesus be an "ass slimer". Soooo let me leave you with something simple:

BE- That's it. Just be. Be you. Be true. Whatever you aspire to be...just be it. Stop wishing, envying, hoping and remorsing. Just be. Your life will be more simple and enjoyable.

Peace & Blessings Loves. Chat with ya soon enough ;)

Help!!!!

Have you ever wondered how successful people become successful?? I am sure that depending on who you are and where you've been; your answers will vary. But my answer is simple: HELP. Whether you decided to muster up the strength to help your self by way of "smart work" and further education, or the help of others, be not dismayed....help is needed. So to all of you folk that do not ask for help or get offended when help is offered, keep the following things in mind:

1. When you turn down help you keep your giver from sowing a neccesary seed.
2. You keep yourself in a stagnant position.

I am done with this for now. Peace and Blessings

It's funny......

how people expect you to be like them. I know I am quite guilty of this on several levels. But in spite of people telling me how different "everyone" is; these are the very people who still expect you to operate, speak, understand things in a manner which is best fitted for them. Ya know, in their "box". As-it-were. Now you all know I am not an "in the box" type of lady, by any means. I just wish that as opposed to people assuming that you will do things the way that they would prefer, that they would open their mouths and speak up. Or say something like "I don't like XYZ done this way, but thanks for the effort....next time will you do it "this way"? Of course it may not be said exactly as such but; something similar would be nice. Come on God!! I've sown these seeds. RECIPROCITY, please!!! I only ask for two things in this life: Integrity and Reciprocity. I have been fortunate, because I have encountered both in my short 30 years on this globe, but it is few and far in between.

Moving along; and I am sorry if it seems like I am always singing the same song. There is a reason for it....I mean if people could open their pie-holes and SAY what they feel, are going thru, would like; etc....and not force me into a situation where I am playing "guess that thought for $600 Alex"; maybe, just maybe I could sing something else. And....and..and; if you don't like what you are watching change the effin channel. Fa-REAL!

and, we're back:

So, how can I get in shape for summer 2010? Why do I lack the total drive to shed these stupid ass pounds? I am ready to be a medium girl. Being a big girl, is starting to be a HUGE-DRAG. I am just ready for change. I guess, I need to really pray, meditate and prepare my mind and spirit for this. If I want to do it properly.

Now, I want to discuss something that will probably piss the "Goody Too Shoes-Bible Packers" all the way off. Oh well, I am exercising my freedom of speech. I just want to speak about a CIVIL issue troubling our nation. Why aren't same sex marriages allowed? respected? fought for? Let me say this, we live in America. Not Great Brittain where Church and State are connected. When people start to tell someone who they can or can not love, and connect with in a legal forum; we run the risk of pulling up the proverbial rug of rights which people have fought and died for, for years. Lest we forget that there are still people alive today, who remember a time that mixed race couples could not marry; they may even remember a time where people of color could not vote. Believe me, there were people then packing the bible and creating scriptural references for why such rights could not be shared with the "minority". Civily and Legally, fair is fair and the discrimination happening right under our noses is NOT FAIR.

Well, I am done w/ my soap box. Special Shout out to my "T.Jax" for well; she knows...um-um-um....Christ be a BC powder.

Let me leave you with a few things before I go into what I hope will be a peaceful sleep-

1. Watch the words which leave your mouth. They have power. Once they come out; they can't be taken back. Be certain that you are strong enough to "receive" what you've asked for.

2. Gaurd your heart, three stacks...gaurd your heart. Some people, quite simply should NOT be trusted w/ your heart. Be weary.

3. Next time you think of someone special, call them, write them or pray for them. There is a reason that they crossed your mind. The Spirit is strong, real and deliberate.

Peace & Blessings Kings and Queens :)

.....and so passes another day

Friday...where shalt thou begin about Friday? Soooo many events, yet not enough to be noteworthy. I will give you the Cliff Notes version, so that I can proceed with what I really want to discuss:

• Crimson Tide (tidal wave, "even")
• Reversal of energy (relationship wise)
• Weee-Oh-wee-o-wee "like a cop car"
• Mixed drinks in the hood
• Book Club Holiday Dinner
• Is my time, not enough? How about I give you the whole 24 hours? (in case you missed it)
• "I don't want to sleep on that side of the bed"
• Finally asleep at around 3 in the morning

Now that I have given you a tid bit of my day; let me get right down to a few points-
Yesterday was the elected day of the Ladies of Laissez Faire Book Club to have our holiday dinner. That name was selected, because I believe in the French way of "let the people do as they please" way of life. I am very free spirited; so of course, in selecting a name, this one felt fitting. Our book club is filled with women from all different walks of life and experiences. Everyone is so sweet, dynamic, colorful and creative in their own way. I love them all very dearly. Anyway, I didn't at all feel like doing dinner at the fancy-smancy place that I selected for us. It was just one of those days that I would have loved to stay curled up under my blanket in my bed. It seemed as though everything was completely out of whack. I tumbled into the fine dinning establishment, late, tired and completely shuffled. What an embarassment, I thought. It was only after we all sat down, that I quickly realized that everyone was tired and feeling quite ruffled and didn't really feel like being at this establishment. Well, one of the BCS (Book Club Sisters) suggested a more down to earth place to commune, in the vacinity. You should have seen us ladies, all in black...tipping out of the restarant and hoping (heels and sore toes) and all trotting down the thruway. It must have looked so funny. Anyway, once we were finally seated and the margaritas were delivered; we were more in our eliment and ready to chat-it-up. About three hours later, after funky gift exchange and an interesting chat about facebook's application called Cafe' World, and the restarant turning the lights up on us....it was finally time to go. I am glad that I pushed my weary body to get there and enjoy some good conversation and laughs.

Well, here I am, present and ready for Saturday...even though we are clearly, smack dab into the afternoon. My day has already been quite eventful. Of course the morning was spent with the Honey, laughs, frustrations, unclear conversation; etc...the usual E&E shit.

Oh yes, I learned of some interesting info today. When I first got the news, I had about 16 different and very mixed emotions. But, once logic set in and bust emotion in the throat; I began to see things a bit more clearly. I have learned that trust is a double edged sword. It takes time to gain, but only a few moments to lose. It's just how this thing works. Now, I am reminded by something that almost everyone has heard, usually by someone older; it is, "birds of a feather flock together". -OR- "show me your friends and I will tell you, who you are". If all of your friends are crooks, cheaters, liars, procrastinators; etc...who else would be comfortable with them, unless you too were one of those things? Just a th0ught; and of course; there are exceptions to every rule.

Moving right on by that passage, making a left turn at the effin light....I am getting closer and closer to getting my life in a progressive order. Of course, I still have a slew of changes which need to be made, but I am utilizing faith, positive reinforcement and meditation to help get me over this hurdle. I used to make 17,865 New Years Resolutions at the start of a new year. But this time, I am just working on me! There are people they will probably never hear from me again. Interestingly those people wont be warned at all, one day they will just wonder "where is Liz?" I am now in the "winter" shed all my leaves until I am back at "one" spirit so that I can see a clear path to my destiny. I am very slow to make decisions. Very slow to act on anything that I am not certain of, because I don't want to look back at in 5 years and feel regret. I haven't regreted anything as of yet and I certainly don't plan on it....Hmmm, let me "selah" for a moment and imagine me at 35....NNN-TUR-ES-TING! LOL

Well, allow me to leave you with a few things:

1. Being upset takes way more energy than being happy. I am entertained, and struck with pity when I see people who can allow such small things (especially other people) to alter their mood. Are you hearing (reading) me? You let someone else, outside of your body, alter who you are!! It's crazy. If the matter wont matter a day from now, a year from now, 3 years from now....choose to let it go and roll on. So, when you find yourself about to get upset, stop and think about it for a moment and react accordingly....

2. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness. It is the body's way of releasing whatever it is that we feel. Our bodies are like any other funnels or filters. If the filter gets too full, it will burst and even scarier, become inoperable. So, it's best to let that crap out. If you are filled with joy, shed a tear. If the pain is too much to keep inside...hell, don't polute your temple, shed a few tears. When you let the overflow out, you make room for what you really need inside.

PS- I thank everyone for reading my blogs. I would like to see these passages become a book about me and my inner-circle. Just keep reading, you will be able to relate. Share your comments so that I know your take on what I post.

Happy effin Saturday!!

Sometime....

I wish that I could fold myself into an envelope and mail myself someplace, more deserving of my genius. Yeah...I did just say that. Just like that. There are times where I feel that I am obviously speaking a foriegn language. When I speak, there are times that I am looked at in a strange way, you know that little "turn of the head" that you do when you are utterly confused? I am totally aware that I am the common denimonator and ultimately, it is me with the "challenge". I mean here I am, asking for what I want...and being denied. And, I am saying what I feel; and it is ALWAYS/usually/mostly misunderstood. So perhaps, I should simply learn the language of the land. Simple. One Dimensional. Backward. Boxed in. Sorry, if I offend anyone reading this. Well not really, because I am exercising my deserved freedom of speech.

Moving on, last night was incredible. Partner took me to the movies, and we went to a theater which I had never been; and we enjoyed each others company, and an adult beverage ;) Then when we arrived in for the night, we sat in the car and listened to Melanie Fiona's soulful and colorful voice. I hadn't sat still with someone that I love in a long time, to just quietly listen to art flow. It was as though, for those 3 minutes and 17 seconds, time and space stood still. I fell in love all over again. Now I wish I could explain that the night flowed in such a timeless and romantic way going forward. But, it did not. Can you say back and leg pain? Ugh...Jesus be a temper-pedic. (laughing as I type this)

I am sure I will have more to say later as time goes by. My day is going to be a full one. But you know I have to leave you with some random thoughts as I "roll out":

1. If you have NEVER left your hometown before to take up residence elsewhere...you should give it a try. Stop doing things which are comfortable as an excuse no to try something new.

2. Finally, and maybe this should have been first....real love doesn't require lenses or announcements. You just know it. In spite my purposeful distance with my family, my baby sister tried on numerous times to reach me via phone on last night. Love never fails. You don't hide behind selective scriptures, or emails...you come out and do whatever it takes to get your message across. Again, love, never fails.

Be ye warm today Kings & Queens :)

First of all; let me send my apologies out to my kind and interested readers, that I did not complete a passage on yesterday. What a day it was.....wayyyy too many things to recall and recite at the moment; but I assure you the info will not be lost.

Now let's get right down to it:

Ugh!! That is my noise of the hour. I feel like a woman, in every sense of the word. My hormones are RAGING and between my abdomen and lower back feels as though I am being punched and rolled thru a steamroller. I am not at my best today. In fact, I haven't been at my best in a while now. I feel stiffled and trapped somewhat in a life that certainly was designed for someone else. But, I digress...it is what it is.

Anyway in the spirit of my physical, cyclical state let me just spill out some random "ish":

I miss my family and friends greatly; though for the most part we are all some 20 miles away from one another. But my resources are so limited and I feel so drained that it is nearly impossible to be social with anyone right now. However; because of the simultaneous time for my unfortunate and quite varied events and the connection with my newly found Partner; everyone has devised in their minds that "she" is the reason for my distance; as it were. It is soooo amazing how people feel that they know you so well; yet they are clueless to your true innermost workings. In conjunction w/ these points; it may be a good time to explain that when I am at a "controllable-low point" in my life i.e. something which can be repaired; but is still pretty terrible; all I need is love, prayer and support. I don't need 15 million calls, facebook messages or people secretly whispering amoungst one another wondering "What Liz is going thru." I don't want a hand out; not even understanding because you could not grasp it if I explained it to you, furthemore I am grown and owe no man no explanation whatso-effin-ever. 10-4..Over and "effin" out.

.....and another thing, seems that the job situation is about to make a change in my favor. Remember the place where I interviewed? Well, they are still interested and the Manager told me today, verbally; that things are looking favorable for me; as I am the only candidate that they remain interested in. Now this is where some positive help could come in. I will take all size 18 bottoms and 14 tops to my hood address. You know where to find me. I will need work clothes for this crappy ass weather. Let us see who will answer that call

Oh yes, last night one of the "Fantastic 4" was at our Tuesday night hide-a-way, where we are usually the "raisins in the milk". She and I were briefly able to catch up. I am so happy for my friend, as her business is about to take off and she will do beautifully. Also her previous "LTI" (long term investment) decided to grace us with his presence at the spot. Sadly this gentleman is no longer in the running for the permanent role in "our" lives. His time has expired. Now here is something you should know about my Libra "friend" and I (This is a total sidebar); we are extremely freespirited and the quickest way to get EEEE-LIMM-INN-AAA-TED is to choke us of our ability to flow freely. If you invade our space; force your way into areas that we deem "un-look-able" (I love made up words); we will quickly grow tired of you, and eventually you will be cut. We believe that everything has its place, as do people, experiences, clothing, shoes, books, etc...This former "LTI" did just that amoung a few other annoying things and now he is cut and will not be staring in anymore episodes.

This brings me to another small-but mostly large update...Do you recall the friend that "Partner" and I picked up on last Saturday? The one who got stood up? Would you believe that the inglorious bastard still was unable to call her and at least offer an apology? WTF?? Where is this sick ass world heading? Who makes plans with you, breaks them and has not the slightest decency to at least call/text/facebook message/pigeon call/postal mail an update? People, let me tell you: Reciprocity is real as hell. You can not treat people dirty, fail to keep your word, treat people as some kinda "I'll get to you when I can" convenience and expect to prosper. Of course you are not commiting murder or anything like that; but you are placing a dent into your character. Character is the sum of a mans/womans works, deeds, words and habits over time. Like any other thing, character requires practice...and then practice makes, at least near perfect. My friend, is probably still upset about this; but this is life and hopefully she will learn WHAT NOT TO DO and move forward with care.

As I mentioned I have a lot to say. Many trashy, Spec's Liquor store, $100 crab and crawfish bill, "Damn this tastes like Baileys", HOV lane stories for ya. But let me cease while I am ahead.

Oh yes (rubs hands together; but hoping these 6 week over due fake nails don't fall off) let me leave you with this:

1. The laws of attraction are real. Want to stop meeting shady people? Boys and Girls, what should you do?? Hmmm, think about it. That's right...cease being shady. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

2. Thinks positive in spite of it all. I am telling you folks, I am at a low place in my life. I feel defeated in so many ways. I am frustrated w/ myself for not preventing certain actions and behaviors which contributed to this mess...but I still believe, some way, somehow that I will come out on top. I always do and this time, will be no different. Remember, we have what we say we have...or let me go Gospel Gangsta on ya "So a man thinketh, so is he". Real. Talk.

3. If you are in a relationship, take care of business. Always stay on top of things; because there is always some little slut after what is yours and she will always be willing to do all the things that you/we wont. Of course standards should be set; you don't have to "take it in the ear"..please by all means be a laaaaady; but don't be afraid to try new things and ask your mate what you can do to make it better. They may lie, but at least try so that if/when they cheat you are justified in your mind in the act of "widow" status.

Finally-Treat people the way you want to be treated. I say things like this quite a bit. If you want things to move along quickly for you, act quickly when you are asked to do things. Don't sit around doing idle things because what you have been asked to do isn't as important to you. Just say no, if you wont act accordingly!!!

Peace & Blessings (Forty Ounces and Hot chips)

Small Interjection of things unsaid...

I am in total awe right now. Eighteen, or shall I dare even say twentyone, doesn't make a Man or a Woman. It makes you, in certain countries of legal age to participate in "wordly activities", and thus giving one the title of adult. But being an adult is a multifacted task and/or responsibility.

One of the things I am always preaching is, "speaking on what you feel". Seriously, this along with many other things seperate adults from children. I know that sometime emotions run too deep to discuss your feelings immediately; but why lie?? I mean some people would rather tell social networking sites what they feel as opposed to opening their mouths and addressing something w/ the person that they need to address it with. So if I say "Are you ok?" and you respond "yeah". I am going to take you at your word. But it aint all words. If you tone changes, because you hear something that you do not like, and you "run away".....Are. You. Really. Fine?

I need a Bullshit Be-Gone button. Or a make it all better w/ truth switch.

My God. My God. I never did make that whiskey. I wish I would have. Perhaps it aint too late.

I am many things, this I can attest to...But I am not a coward. I am not now, nor have I ever been afraid to say how I feel. How can someone say that they love you...yet be afraid or shall I say unwilling to express themselves? Double standard? or Double edged sword? You be the judge. I am too tired. Exhausted. Beaten. Spirits broken. Unchained. Refrained. Lethargic.

"Jesus be a voice box".

....This. To. Shall. Pass.

I'll take Blonde hair and a Big Butt for $200 Alex

Why do all Artists believe that they are complicated? Are we REALLY complicated? Or are we soo wrapped up in the curve of the free-spirit that we can not speak to people living in the "now"? I will never know, or understand...because as I implied; it's way too complicated.

This morning I woke up very early, ya know about 8:03 a.m (lol). to prepare for an interview. Yes, I said the "I" word. That is something else you should know about me and "us". My innermost circle of friends and I are very Artsy/Creative people. We feel things. We see what things in the canvas' of our minds that most people would not understand unless it was drawn out and spelled out with great articulation.

We have an Interior Designer and Party Planner, the Make-up Artist, the Coordinator and I, singer, writer..blah-skiddly-dee-dat-dat-dat (insert small jazz skat). I am sure you can imagine that makes us an interesting group. If only you knew. Soooo, we don't do "jobs" in the traditional sense of the word. I can't even believe I am admitting this aloud. But we are all very "freelance-ish". We prefer to work smart a little of the time so that we can do things like travel, enjoy various Happy Hours (which is not EVER limited to a time of day), buy accessories that never look like they will quite "go" with our outfits. Ya know, things like that. Well, thy cup hadst run shawt (Texas slang). I needed money and money fast; so I did what we Americans are all programmed to do; look for a J-O-B (just-over-broke). Now this wasn't my first time seeking work this year, just my first time doing it with that real desperate, dry mouth of hell feeling. Soooo...I was selected for an interview. I felt like I won a million dollars, or at least a coupon for the ever retiring and returning Mcrib, available only at McDonalds (Satan's own workshop).

So, like I said, I woke up EARLY today for said interview. I tried on two suits, one was soooo tight, I could see my heart beat thru the jacket. The other was simply tired. I mean, I could possibly make a better suit with my severly un-manicured toes right now. So, I landed on a grey suit. As I aligned my clothing, with the proper undergarments and shoes, I could hear "rambunctious" in my ear saying "ya know, grey makes you look so fat". But screw it all, I was wearing it. As I poured myself into the suit, I was forced to stare at my crown thru my vanity mirror. Did I forget to mention that I dyed my big, naturally kinky-curly hair blondish for my 30th birthday?? Oooooof course, I didn't. HA! I looked at my hair and wondered how in THEE world could I tone down my larger than life personality, and everything else. So I carefully pinned my hair up, gold pin, after gold pin; and out I went.

On the way, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I secretly wondered why being me, was NEVER good enough. Why couldn't I wear my huge afro? Why couldn't I come in with jeans, adidas and a Gap T-shirt? I mean I know the answer people...Geesh. But I wish someone would hire me for my track record and not the facade that they get for a few hours in an interview. There are times where I feel like a total outcast. I am not cookie cutter, nor was I born with the luxury of a silver (or even nickle plated) spoon in my mouth. But to be frank, jane, jim and jane with you...I don't wish to fit in at all. I mean who notices a yellow crayon in the box?? But, a Gold crayon...hell, now you are talking!! That's me a gold crayon!! I quickly fixed my confidence, and drove my car which kept reminding me that we had 47 miles of gas until empty. "Thank you car" I thought in a sarcastic way. (Why can't gas and tires come with the purchase of a new car??)

Anyway, I arrived early and had a fabulous interview. Long story, short; it seems they are looking for someone just.like.me. Someone bold, daring and ready to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I left with my confidence on a high of 9 today.

I guess the point of it all is to be cool with self. Because confidence can't be faked, or misread. It is just what it is and we wear it rather we see it or not, others see it. Let me add, not only should we be good with ourselves, but really understanding of who we are, where we are with what we have...today!!

Well, I am about to log off...I need to fix myself a child-sized whiskey.

Oh yeah, let me leave you with this:

Live outloud. For real. If you want to do something and no law will get broken, and you are 87% sure that you or noone else will end up dead or in Prison...Do it!! Seriously, do what you want to do, no matter what anyone thinks.

Before you decide to go-a-courting: Know Thyself. If you are not confident with who you are NOW. No one else, will be. I promise you this.

Finally, if you ever decide to buy someone "special" a gift; at least know their address so you aren't stuck with a bunch of quirky gifts starring you in the face. (That was a freebie).

Peace & Blessings until later :)

Saturday's Suck

Sometime we can awaken and the answer to which you've never verbally asked, just kind of appears. As clear as the day. So it hit me..I mean leave it to my group of interesting friends and their various challenges to give me just the "thing".

Being a girl is tough. But, my God, being a woman is even harder. I mean we are estrogen filled, passionate, beautiful, driven creatures whose minds can be made up in stone on a Monday and by Tuesday it be a different story and/or feeling. There is no blue print, there is no road map to help us get from point A to point B. So we use what we have. Some of us, seem to have the "total package"; and then there is "us". Oh, I haven't introduced myself, properly have I? I'm Elizabeth, a native Houstonian. I just arrived into my 3rd decade and boy, oh boy; challenges commeth. Do you know what's even harder than being a woman? Liking, loving and dating women. But we shall come back to that, as I am sure your mouth is already watering, yearing for more juicy details. And details there are. Now, I may have mentioned at the onset that my friends and their challenges stimulate me; but they are not challenged alone. In fact, I am almost certain that my chaotic energy is the catalyst behind all of the hysteria. The rest of the clan starts with the rambunctious Ryan, the Trailblazing Tifini and the Trying Tiffany. Now, these aren't all of my pals at all. We have fantastic guest stars who provide such a share of joy, that I am too selfish to even begin to share it with you now.

Point is, I feel exhausted of hearing, seeing, starting the revolving door of BS. When will we learn? When will we come across people who manages integrity and growth? Are the laws of attraction at work? Don't you hate when you know the answer to the quandary, yet hearing something vanilla and fresh would just be better? Cake Please!!! Someone, please bring me a piece of cake. Oh yeah, did I also mention that I am a plus sized African American woman, living in one of the most "Reddest" states ever? I thought that I would mention my weight, right after asking for cake. Oh yeah, I don't really eat cake. But I do drink. I wonder if there is a connection here. Hmmm

Let me get to the meat of the story-
Last night, I received a text message from one of my dearest friends. She was at a Holiday Party, dressed to the "nines"; you would think that the night would be perfect. However, it wouldn't be "us" if it ended perfectly. We don't get down in perfection at all. In fact, we are going for the less than perfect, mostly dusty look in life. Moving alone, the text indicated that her late night date, had not responded to her calls or text messages. (Not another stand-up date!!) And, that her foriegn car had decided to simply stop on her. (Isn't that nice?) So she needed "us" to come get her. Before I continue, let me also explain, I am the type that will go to the ends of the earth for my friends. This is my first time in life having good, real good friends and finally knowing what to do with them. So when they laugh, I laugh...but damn it, when they hurt ; I am angry as heck! So, what's a "Liz" to do? I looked over at my Partner and said "We have to make a pick up". Of course being the supportive little love cake that she is, was completely down with it all. Oh yeah, did I mention that we had no gas?? HA! So, what did we do? In true "g" (notice I used a lower case G; because big "G's" don't have this problem) form, we scraped up change and loosies to get gas to go get this "friend". I would love to tell you that we went to pick her up, took her home and the rest is history. But, when you get to know me and "us" you will quickly realize that It. Is. Never. That. Simple.

But let me leave you with these final thoughts:
1. If you make plans with someone, keep them or at least do EVERYTHING in your power to alert them otherwise. Time is very valuable; no one is giving it away these days.

2. If you go to your Company Holiday Party, don't get sooo drunk that you start doing "various booty dances" in the parking lot.

3. If you have real friends, real ones...always be there for them. Because when the men and women of sexual or romantic selection fade away, your true Pals will still be there, nursing you back to health.

This is all for now. Until we meet again, Laugh as much as you can, if nothing else it helps strengthen the stomach muscles and we can all use that!! :)