Wish List

My sisters, my beautiful sisters....*sighs* I am sure that we all have a laundry list of qualities that we would like in a mate. But stop. Stop just for a moment. Line up the list of qualities that you want. Now, place a check mark by every one of those qualities that you actually possess.

Sidebar- We should have expectations. We should know what we want and do not want. There should be some absolutes in our lives because if we don't have those, we are basically saying "Whatever you give me, I'll TAKE it."

But, for everything which we desire, those absolutes like:
He/She should be employed, honest, financially stable, have a relationship with God.
Are we employed, honest, financially stable, in a relationship with God? If we answered no to either of those; we should return to the drawing board; OR- simply take this time to work on us. Of course, working on self should be an ongoing task. I know, my personal goal is to always be better, in health and in every other area of my life. I start some of those projects, get discourage and stop. Then I start again in hope and determination, as we all should. But before we go knocking all sisters and brothers saying that they are trash, or there aren't any good suitors around; we should really look at ourselves. The people that we attract are simply a mirror image of our standards.

All, I want for my beautiful sisters is that we stop looking for someone to fix us, or read our minds or to even save us. A Partner is supposed to enhance us; partner with us in life. But how can their be enhancement, if nothing exists???? We have to dig deep and deal with issues about our hair, weight, sexuality, communication skills, body parts that we don't care for, lack of education, the fact that we are divorcee's or the fact that we have kids, or the fact that we were molested, or the fact that we've been abused. We have to be real with ourselves, first, so that the healing and building process can start. At the end of the day, who wants to enter a partnership of any kind if the person has stability issues, can't be honest about who they are or can't "hold down a household" if the opportunity presented itself? Finally, I have learned that just because a person has potential, what good is that if they don't see it and activate it.

Take time to heal, grow, find passions and fall so deep in love with us first. Everything else will come in the appointed time. Let's take this journey together. I have a good feeling about this whole process.

Peace & Blessings :)

Open your damn mouth and speak

I'm confused by the state of our union, or shall I say unity. This crazy microwave generation has zapped every single thing. Nothing hides from it. Sometime I want to reach into the mouths of grown people, who finished elementary, intermediate and high school who are unable to effectively articulate their wants and needs; and pull the words out of their mouths.
What the hell happened? Do we even know what we want?
People text their hopes, dreams, business transactions....what's next? Will you text a marriage proposal? Will you accept that way?

I am completely confused. I mean who among us can read minds? Even a baby makes a noise when he/she isn't feeling well, or when he/she needs something before they are able to talk. Why can't adults follow suit?

You can't expect anything from someone unless you share your expectations. Period. Learn to open up and properly articulate what you want and need. You just may get it.

Representative

Everything reminds me of you. Every song, every scent, almost everything, some way somehow, causes your face to cross my mind.

I can't believe that things ended the way that they did. But I do believe that you showed me who you were. Who, you are. I've been told in the past that when someone shows you who they are, that I should believe them. So I guess, I am now in total belief.  Perhaps, I can believe that things ended the way they did. Total realization that you are not the person whom I fell in love with. You almost had me fooled though. you had a bunch of people fooled, possibly. When you said that no one liked you, or when you said what this one said about you wasn't true...I had your back. You had my total support. But you see a person can only display their "representative" for so long, before they crack in several small pieces. And when they crack and the real-person is revealed and you learn their true motives, thoughts and desires. You see everyone can't be lying about you. Everyone can't all share the same opinions in error. You are that person. That empty, spiteful, angry, hurt, bitter, negative, closed off, insecure, petty, over analytical, manipulative, evasive person who is unable to form real meaningful relationships, communicate effectively, think before acting and most importantly recognize real, authentic love when you see it. You are trapped in the prison of your own ailing mind. Or, or, maybe it really is just me. Maybe, I am making all this up, like everyone else in an effort to "hurt you". Yes, yes, you are that significant. Sure, whatever lets you sleep at night. Whatever brings you peace. IF, you know the meaning of such a word in it's spiritual sense. *laughing/crying*

Everything reminds me of you. I think of your laugh. I think of the silly things we used to say and do. I think about our ill thought out plans and adventures. I think about you telling me about your weird dreams. I think of the three of us in our daily activities. The little voice still rings in my ear. But, now when I think of you, I do not smile. No, I am not moved to glee. I simply wonder "why?"; then I shake my head and realize that the only thing that really matters are the last words you uttered to me. Those words help to snap me back out of a temporary insane moment where I think of returning your messages. Those words remind me of why things are the way they are.

I've made some interesting decisions in my life. But choosing to go forward, alone, in peace is the best decision I've ever made. And, if you know anything about me; once I put one foot in front of the other, I progress. I do not regress, retract or reverse.

I can't wait 'till everything starts to again remind me of me again. I just can't wait :)

Cluttered Mind

So many thoughts tonight:

My book is being edited
Soon the community will hear my voice
Next the world

My plate is full, and I am working hard to ensure that nothing falls off
But inevitably, something, someone will fall off
That's just the way it is
Manifest, destiny? Perhaps

When it's all said and done, she and she will say I was negligent and that I wasn't there
But in actuality, I've been here all along
Well, I guess geographically; but spiritually and mentally I'm soaring on a plane which has an altitude that can't be measured.
That's what happens when you resolve to push

I wish I could say that I didn't see any of this coming
But, I knew as a small child that one day I'd leave such a big foot print that not even the sands of time could bury it

Yep, I knew all alone.

Time to be better

I thought I knew it all. I was too smart for my own good, but the things that were truly important didn't seem to resonate in my life. It was like the earth kept spinning, the seasons changed, time shifted forward...but some things remained the same. Why? I wonder why:

don't we take the time to properly investigate a situation or person before we make a temporary thing, permanent?

do we purchase things that we can't fully afford now; or that we won't be able to part with later?

do we continue to entertain words without actions?

do we keep falling in love with potential, when we should view the person standing before us as they are now, not as they could be?

don't we step back and look at how we've done things if we don't like where we are in life?

But they say, that when we know better, we do better. Do we? Do we, do better? What is better? Is it a nice house? Nice shoes and clothes? A fancy vehicle? No, in my opinion; better is a sense of peace which doesn't require that we offer a rebuttal to every item stated. Better is the ability to see things for what they really are, without emotion or bias. Better is investing our time in productive things, people and activities. Better is being happy with it all, embracing the ability to adapt to things which aren't as appealing. Better is, ensuring that our words match our actions. Better is knowing who we are, so that when we are accused of things, called out our names or gossipped about, we don't even flinch; because: THEY WERE NOT TALKING TO US....and; furthermore their opinion isn't worth the breath which uttered it.


I am becoming evermore aware of what is bonafide, and what is temporal. I suspect that I am well on my way up a path of prosperity, goodness and love. I suspect that I am beginning to make decisions not simply based on words, feeling or emotion, but based on substance and practicality. I suspect, maybe, just maybe I am doing better.

P.S. Thank you all for reading my blog. This blog makes number 101; it's nearly 2 years strong and the best is yet to come.

Speak to me

Speak to me.
Tell me something that you haven't already said.
Make me laugh.
Make me think.
Make me smile.
But please don't make me cry.

Speak to me.
Tell me something that warms my soul.
Include all of your best adjectives.
Include all of your childhood memories.
Make me dream.
Make me swoon.
Make me want.
But please don't make me cry.

Speak to me.
....in complete sentences
Tell me what you want to do.
Tell me where you want to go.
Tell me what you think of me.
Make me sniggle.
Make me imagine.
Make me learn.
But please don't make me cry.