Representative

Everything reminds me of you. Every song, every scent, almost everything, some way somehow, causes your face to cross my mind.

I can't believe that things ended the way that they did. But I do believe that you showed me who you were. Who, you are. I've been told in the past that when someone shows you who they are, that I should believe them. So I guess, I am now in total belief.  Perhaps, I can believe that things ended the way they did. Total realization that you are not the person whom I fell in love with. You almost had me fooled though. you had a bunch of people fooled, possibly. When you said that no one liked you, or when you said what this one said about you wasn't true...I had your back. You had my total support. But you see a person can only display their "representative" for so long, before they crack in several small pieces. And when they crack and the real-person is revealed and you learn their true motives, thoughts and desires. You see everyone can't be lying about you. Everyone can't all share the same opinions in error. You are that person. That empty, spiteful, angry, hurt, bitter, negative, closed off, insecure, petty, over analytical, manipulative, evasive person who is unable to form real meaningful relationships, communicate effectively, think before acting and most importantly recognize real, authentic love when you see it. You are trapped in the prison of your own ailing mind. Or, or, maybe it really is just me. Maybe, I am making all this up, like everyone else in an effort to "hurt you". Yes, yes, you are that significant. Sure, whatever lets you sleep at night. Whatever brings you peace. IF, you know the meaning of such a word in it's spiritual sense. *laughing/crying*

Everything reminds me of you. I think of your laugh. I think of the silly things we used to say and do. I think about our ill thought out plans and adventures. I think about you telling me about your weird dreams. I think of the three of us in our daily activities. The little voice still rings in my ear. But, now when I think of you, I do not smile. No, I am not moved to glee. I simply wonder "why?"; then I shake my head and realize that the only thing that really matters are the last words you uttered to me. Those words help to snap me back out of a temporary insane moment where I think of returning your messages. Those words remind me of why things are the way they are.

I've made some interesting decisions in my life. But choosing to go forward, alone, in peace is the best decision I've ever made. And, if you know anything about me; once I put one foot in front of the other, I progress. I do not regress, retract or reverse.

I can't wait 'till everything starts to again remind me of me again. I just can't wait :)