I really don't know where to start with this one. Please feel free to plug your device into my brain to extract all of the data that I wish to share. Oh, what? You can't download the files? They're corrupt? ooooh ok, I see. I guess I will have to spill the beans then.
Without fail my girls and I will find our way into a conversation about dating, love and expectations. It usually starts with us sitting in the "Trio" living room with our assortment of spirits randomly discussing our week. Then someone else will chime in, and the conversation will have this unique ripple effect stimulating an array of ideas and meaningful dialog.
Most recently while Talya, Ray and I were sitting in our living room (hence "the trio") we began to ask Ray a few questions about her new guy friend. He'd been by a few days in a row and he even played guitar for June and I to have an impromptu singing groove session. He seemed withdrawn, timid, smart, scary and cool all at the same time. You know he looked like "I don't want to be a murderer but I will be a murderer if I'm bored that night." In retrospect (again) I wish I wouldn't have asked Ray so many questions about this dude who we affectionately have nicknamed "Jonas" (as in Brothers); because the information that she shared next was hilariously strange! She said in the midst of sex he literally stopped and said "promise me you won't cheat." What the EFFIN-F-Pop!!?? So many thoughts swirled through my mind *negro when did we get into a committed relationship?* After Talya and I looked in disbelief, the laughter seemed to pour from us all in the same manner that the wine was magically entering our cups. Sadly, Ray was not joking. What's all the more funny is her answer to him: "umm sure I promise."
As time passed we started to see less and less of Jonas but he seemed to call more than a Collections Agent, Parole Officer and a Baby Mama looking for child support all in one. He started to appear clingy and spineless. Was he the woman in the non-existing relationship? Hmmmm......Now this wasn't our only topic for discussion. I had to discuss the woman who called AND text messaged me at 4:17 in the morning on the freakin' 4th of July. This woman continued to call me that entire day demonstrating her neediness and pathetic desperation. Then when I finally sent a response it was via text and simply said "Why did you think it was ok to text me so early in the morning?" The girls found this part of the discussion a bit more amusing than I did. Maybe because they weren't the ones being phone stalked. I mean who calls someone that they've JUST met that early in the morning on a holiday? Ugh clingy, inconsiderate and insecure people drive me insane. (I sure hope that when I grow up I become sane *sniggles*)
After we shared our stories and disbursed into our separate living quarters I started to survey all of my single friends and how we approach dating. Our approach and outlook is NOTHING like that of the movies, or like our older family members. It is truly laissez-faire. We are so secure in our skin doing our own thing that everyone is ALWAYS trying to get in our mix. We're reinvented the model that tells young women that their only purpose in life is to be someone's wife and mother (not that there is anything wrong with that, and quite frankly it is admirable...but that's not our only option). It's almost like we are so used to the low-pits of "southern" dating that we would almost rather not bother. There have been people seriously interested in me, but I am so engulfed in my family life, my work and my projects that I simply don't have the time. I think I purposely stay so exhausted with my daily life so that I can remain focused and not thrown off track by the "next best thing". And then, I just don't feel like babysitting another human being. I don't want to convince anyone of who they are and what they mean to me. I don't feel like sharing all my dirty secrets AGAIN to have them thrown back in my face. I don' feel like someone giving me the 10th degree when I don't answer my phone that I pay for. When did things become so complicated? Why can't two people be attracted to one another on a multi-dimensional level and make things work? Does anyone value the personal space of others anymore? Is everyone crazy, or is it just me, my friends and the people that we meet?
I wish I had the answers to these questions. But we all know that I am coming up short. If only people could be honest with themselves first, maybe they would walk into a situation and say "I am needy", "I am a basket case", "I am afraid of being cheated on", "I'm in love with Alf"....or whatever your thing is so that folks would at least know what they are getting themselves into. Because in the middle of intimacy or at 4:17 in the morning is MOSTLY NOT the time to tell someone who you are.
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