I’d rather you plead the 5th….

…….than to lie to me. Than to pretend to be something or someone that you are not. I am so sick of people pretending to be so kind, forthright, forgiving and secure; only to learn that they are far from it. My delivery may not always be optimum, but I am true, thru and thru. I will not on a Monday, say that I am green, only to tell you Tuesday that I am red, and then on Wednesday skip the words and show you that I am black. People change the rules like the change lovers, moods and temperatures. Who are you? What do you stand for? And, the thing that you claim to so adamantly stand for today, will it be an old concept tomorrow? Yes, life, people and situations change. But as the old adage states “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” These words ring thru me like a loud bell…liberty! Chameleons’, have no boundaries, no shape, no roots, no beliefs. They change with the wind…”like falling water”…and they wonder why others only look and shake their heads. How am I to trust you? How I am to be comfortable enough to plant roots with you, when you don’t know if you are even a plant most of the time. Damn!! Find you. Know you. Do you…first; figure all of that shit out first, before you involve others. Who has the strength for this? I am in a totally different place. The road that you are traveling has been traveled before and it leads to a place that I am not interested in traveling. But sadly, I still try, in spite of it all. You wanted love, you got it!

I have stood by, supported you with everything that I know how to do and be. I have encouraged your dreams. All for one day, this dream, this commitment to be soooo huge and the next, something else takes precedence. I mean, I know that things happen, but this type of occurrence should be the exception to the rule; not the norm. All, I have left to show for it is a hole in my heart and a receipt of yet another one of your dreams deferred. How arrogant and selfish of you to play with my heart! How arrogant and selfish of you to pretend that my opinion and dreams matter…when in actuality, every one of my sentences are interjected, halted, like an unsuspecting detour…when in actuality, my opinions, dreams and suggestions only matter when the shit hits the fan and you need me to clean it up. I don’t think you are dumb. I don’t think you are stupid. I just think you don’t know what you have, or what you truly want…and if you do know what you want, you appear clueless on the path to get there. See, I am not going to play like your actions don’t affect me. I am not going to smile, with eagerness and happiness because I have someone…all while lying and cheating behind your back. My voice will be heard and what you do with it is on you.

Accusations fly faster than a bullet in the BK, with you always being the victim and I am the shooter. The forensics point to a verdict of guilty for me, right?? It. Never. Fails. I want to see you succeed, and make fruitful decisions. I also know that part of growth and life is the ability and allowance to make crazy decisions, fall and then learn from the fall as we gently dust ourselves off. But when your falling affects me, us, others, and the finances thereof, I have a problem. Once again, I am left wanting because what you were supposed to do, you used your sexy sense of procrastination to put it off until the next day…and that savvy decision that you made came back to bite….ouch, the bite mark still hurts. I hope, it isn’t infected.


Never before, have I ever felt as though my dreams, my hopes and my ideas were moot. I feel that you have suffocated them, because you are not able to deal with the reality that is me. Will the real people stand up? The ones who won’t lie to you about messages, rings, thoughts, food, etc..? LMAO as I type this…because some of the lies have been so ridiculous, I wonder if they are in-itself a huge joke. But I have no one to blame for this but me. Once again, I allowed my obviously flawed heart to do the fool again. I saw the God in you, and you saw NOTHING. I saw who you were in the spirit…why am I sharing this? But what did you show me?? A reality of inconsistency, insecurity and, instability. My simple questions, either go unanswered, or you turn them into something that no longer even resembles a question. But I am still guilty, sentenced to a life of____________.

Perfect? Me…Ha, far from it. In fact, my imperfections and idiosyncrasies make me an ever better example of God’s love, mercy and ability to cleanse in the earth. Let us not even speak on the words “cleanse”…another small piece of laughter hiding behind the pain is begging to be heard.
Call me crazed and deranged…but I don’t have to keep sticking my hand in the fire to know that it burns. Hell, I see the flames. I can love and forgive from a far, far, place. I do it all the time. In fact, I am certified. Did you not see the letters “BS” behind my name?

I will never forget how you have derailed my thoughts, how you refuse to trust me with yours…how you have unraveled my heart at the seams, how you said one thing, but did another. I will never forget how when I messed up and tried to fix it; your mouth said you were open, but your actions were closed. I will never forget the look on your eyes when I met you. I will never forget the times we spent. I will never forget how I went against my gut and gave this a chance only to have my heart shattered into unrecognizable pieces. But. This. Too. Shall. Pass. It always does.

One thing you still fail to realize is that when I am in your corner, my love, my care and the extent that my hand will reach to help you will never, ever go away. But, obviously that is not important to you. *singing, you just lost one* Again, I digress.

Ready for this weekend, am I. My plan is to release every single bit of frustration, to cry every tear that has laid on the surface of my heart for so long, to scream until my voice is named in the heavens and on every mountain top, and to quietly step away and allow you to be who you were intended to be.
I’d rather you plead the 5th, than to lie to me, than to pretend to be something or someone that you are not, than to change the rules every day impending your level of comfort.

Let me leave you with this:
1. When a person is not faithful in the small things, how can they be trusted with the larger things. Whether this be their word, their families, their finances or their health.
2. There is MORE than love required to be someone’s partner, parent, and friend. How dare you think that responsibility, faithfulness, discipline and boundaries are not necessary?? It is all apart of love.
3. Finally, I know that upon reading one assumption will be made and I am fine with that. But know this, I am very grounded in certain principles and if you take those for fun and games, we won’t get very far.

I am thankful that my motives are clear, and that my intentions are right. I am thankful for this proverbial pen and pad to plant my feelings in, because no one else seems to care or understand them. I am thankful for my life, the living witness that all things are possible. I am most thankful for my ability to see things for what they really are. There is something to say about discernment.

Signing off “been around chameleons so much, I am starting to forget who I am”