I am sitting here at my desk quite moodless, getting ready to really dive into my work day. I am bundled up in a sweater type shawl, because it feels like a Pennsylavanian winter in this place. Just now, I am realizing that this shawl hasn't been washed in a while and has the small smell of fish-sticks and a brown gravy. I am not sure why I even shared that. Moving along, I am somewhat smiling inside as I think about a few things:
1. It's my Honey's Birthday. She is a few years younger than I (sometime it is more noticeable than not); and is embarking on an age where everything is still so "wide open". I am so thankful that I was blessed to spend the day with her, because she could be sharing her moment with anyone else, anywhere else. Yet, at midnight, I pulled my granny panties up over my navel and began a "praise dance" kinda birthday-dancy-thingamagig just for her. Yes, I was out of breath in under 3 minutes, but I really "got it in" just for her. Then I sang the Birthday song, presenting her with a cupcake with a small candle positioned just so. Her smile lingers even now.
2. Last night, the girls and I had a much needed "St. Patty's Day" evening together. It started off freezing as Rambunctious decided to sit us outside under a canopy with winds whirling around us like a circus act. Ok-OK, the wind wasn't doing all that. But Damn-it, it was chilly. Eventually thanks to "Hair Stylist" we were inside with our Lamb Stew, Brazed wings, Titos Martini's, Fish Tacos and Sliders. We laughed and laughed. We talked about our birthdays past and two of the four expressed their birthday frustrations. We discussed how our lives have changed. Mostly mine. My new responsibilities and how things aren't quite how they used to be. We laughed about bad sex stories, crazy teeth, fitted sheets and "an 8 year old Alf Sippy Cup lover". As the tears poured from my right eye in laughter, I watched how it seemed time stood still for just a few seconds and I saw just how perfect my friends really are. I don't mean perfect in the "God" kinda way, I mean; perfect for me. Though we have so much in common, we are so different and it is so healthy and encouraging. At this junction in life, we're all making progressive steps toward life change. It feels so good to have "drama free friends" who want to see each other grow and do well. It is a must that we do this again....Saturday, road trip, perhaps?? SMH now.
Reality is smothering me fast, with one paw in my nostril and the other around my neck. Even though last night was hilarious and refreshing, I am still about 3.5 seconds from a massive breakdown. MY PLATE RUNNETH OVER. Literally. I am not complaining, just venting-Amendment one endorses this message :) Between the lengthy commute, the back biting at work and the slight transitional chaos at home, I fear that I will snap and snap soon. I don't mean to sound irresponsible, by any means-But I am NOT meant to work for others. I've known this for some time now. I am much to forward thinking, dominant, and creative to be forced in a box to be someone or something that I am not. Everyday, I thank God for my blessings...for allowing me to have a means to provide for me and mine in such financially challenging times; yet my stomach turns when I walk in the door to work. There are only 7 of us in our group; yet the women back bite, constantly. I am the only Black person here and on a daily basis I am asked questions like "What does SSGFL" mean?" Then they turn every "g" into gangster and ask me again, like because I am black, I should know such accronyms and slangs. UH NO!! When my Partner picks me up from work, I get strange looks. If I am two minutes late from lunch, I am greeted with everyone standing in a huddle, which quickly dismembers once I am in their vision. I feel as though I am but an island. I digress. It is what it is for now. Believe me, I am not just venting without a plan. When I get fed up with the whole situation, a move will be made. But for now, until God makes it clear, I will stand still. Sometime you have to just stay put. The bible even discussed how God prepares a table for his people. I imagine it like "The Fantastic 4" going to a fine restarant and waiting for such a long time, feet hurting and hungry. Only to see a partially cleared off table...of course we run to it and by default are serviced. But between every bite, the discomfort sets in, as we have no silverware, condiments or napkins. Not to mention the dirty glasses remaining on the table from the previous guest. So of course, we think we got what we wanted. But we are not experiencing the best experience, because we didn't wait for our table to be prepared. (Selah) "check please"
Guess, I am checking out of this posting. I sure hope you get something from it, if even a smile.
Peace and Blessings Children of Jah :)
Ok Miss Liz; you are one hell of a writer. Thanks for inviting me to review them. The freshest one had me actually imagining everything that you mentioned. That's the sign of a good artist. Have you ever thought about doing some spoken word? Oh yeah, and Liz you have to do whatever you need to to find peace and balance. Maybe you have bitten off more than you can chew. But knowing you, you will get thru it with grace and never miss a beat.
ReplyDeleteTake care (See you back in the ATL soon?) Peace.
Heavy stuff Sis! Yeah, sometimes you have to treat jobs like Tarzan treats vines...don't let go of one until you are absolutely sure you've gotten hold of the next one. Oh and don't worry about the strange stares, if they don't have the guts to tell you what's on their mind, then don't waste your precious time.
ReplyDeleteRa.
Elizabeth, you remind me of myself. Be patient. Live. Stop trying to conquer the world. Do only what you can do and let God do the rest. You are wise beyond your years and a blessing in general. So be still. Eventually everything will work out for your good!
ReplyDeleteV.W.