Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Good Morning World! Good Morning Beautiful Life! I am so thankful to see another gorgeous day. It's before 9 a.m. and the suns rays are creating a bit of a glare on the screen as I type this. There is so much on my mind. I've already written this piece at least twice in my mind over the past few hours. But, I seriously doubt that it will come out the way that I planned. That's just how it is for me :)

I've been in somewhat of a funk for about a day and a half. I've thought some thoughts that I truly regret. This is the result of some seriously strange activity which happened in my home Thursday night. Yes, a random, freakin' Thursday night. All I wanted to do was take my car to the mechanic, and come home and rest after a LONG, long week of work. This was the week of my "off-Friday"; and I had big plans for my long weekend. If only I hadn't made a particular phone call. This call invited me somewhere that I should have really avoided. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't have made the call until I was home. I am going to really learn to follow my first mind. I was tired, and trying to juggle a few unexpected expenses in my head. It's bad when you have to decide whether you will get your car or your teeth fixed first. Unfortunately, I am a control-freak. When too much is happening and I can't wrap my arms around it as I would like to, I start to have serious anxiety. Some say, I'm a drama queen; and that's fine. But really, I am VERY anxious. Because my fear is NOT being able to take care of myself. I never want to be a burden on anyone. I'm working on that.

So, back to the random Thursday night of hell: I have a problem with disrespect. I have a bigger problem with slaps in my face. No, I don't mean literal hand to cheek action. I mean when you bust your ass to do right by someone on several occasions and they allow their misdirected anger, pain, frustration, inadequacies, or whatever to cloud the line between what is real and what is not. We all have been guilty of this. We've all been down in the dumps or not where we think we should be, and all it takes is a little something to set us over the edge. I get that. But what I do not get is the dishonesty of it all. It's no one elses' fault that you feel the way you do. It's not the substance or poison of your choice. It is YOU!! All of those extra elements are just that. Extra-elements! I've been hurt by many things, people and situations. But you will never see me slap someone in the face. Not someone who has been kind to me, loving to me and supportive of me. You will never see me play the blame game. I take full responsibility for the seeds that I sow. I won't say "Oh this situation made me do this!" What sort of adult hides behinds such a sorry excuse? We all have a choice in life. We can let rough times make us victims or victors. And, I Elizabeth Goree, refuse. Do ya hear me?? *insert strong Southern drawl* I absolutely REFUSE to be a victim with the fingers of this crooked system up my ass like some kind of puppeteer. I refuse to let life beat me up so badly that I am unable to treat people right. I refuse to let life distort my ability to love, and be a friend. So yes, it's been a rough last few hours. But I am up now!! I am thinking clearly and moving forward. Boldly, one foot in front of the other. Some people stay down for days, weeks and months and try to convince others and even themselves that someone else, or something else is to blame. I don't buy it. I will not smite God by taking the precious time bestowed upon me for granted.

Sooooooo, what will the likes of a Liz do today? Hmmm....well, I guess once I straighten up my room (again---sighs) I will do something just for me. I am not sure what. But I have a tank full of gas, about 23 hot dollars and a wonderful array of options. Like I always say: It's a beautiful thing to have options.

Let me leave you with this-

1. Forgiveness starts within. (Seems like I have said this before). If you have some inner challenges (as we ALL do); it's up to you to deal with it. Forgive the person(s) who hurt you and then forgive yourself. This is imperative not only for your own mental health, but to make sure that you don't take yesterdays trash out on today's treasure.

2. Sit and think for a moment. Maybe having a drink or 9 on a day when you are REALLY down isn't the best idea.

3. Tell the whole truth! There are people who will tell their friends and family one-side of things to continuously hide the fact that they have serious issues. Well the thing of the matter is, no matter how much you distort things the truth always has a way to creep out. So it's best to deal with your drama in private or have all your dirty laundry sprawled across the floor in public (LITERALLY)!