Octobre' Seis

I am in for the night after exercising for my third day straight. (woo hoo, I can hear cheerleaders coming out of my left ear) Usually, I would be tired after such a day, but for some reason I am bursting with energy and eager to leave my mark somewhere. You may be saying “oooh 3 days”. Well three days is a big for me. See I’ve fought with my weight for close to 13 or 14 years now. I have faced defeat. I’ve cried as I have tried to wear things that looked like they were my size, but clearly meant for someone who did not have all of my extra curves. I have beat myself up when I didn’t measure up to the standards of others, or when I didn’t make my goals in most of the diets that I’ve tried. I pray, genuinely, that this time will be different. Something in my core says that it will be. See, I didn’t begin this with big fanfare, whistles and expensive gym memberships. This time I am “going in” simply for my health. I want to live a long robust life. I want to see all four oceans. I want to help build churches in other lands. I want to feed the hungry. I want to taste the cultures of many people. I want to lend a hand in a place where they chop and bind hands. I want all that God promised me, when he said I will prosper even as my soul prospers. I know that once I get my temple right and prepared for servitude, that my territory will be expanded and I will be trusted to dig into new depths and soar to new highs.


So much has transpired since we last spoke. Many, many changes. I am still in peace and working to maintain it every single day. I have learned a few things:

1. Anything or anyplace, or anyone that takes you out of your peace should be removed from the equation.

2. We are all miracles (in the words of Jill Scott) and life is too short to do anything that doesn’t edify who we are, and our purpose.

3. We really do reap what we sow. Every action, every single step is a seed. Thus when things return to us, as opposed to simply blaming the Devil or someone else, perhaps we should look at ourselves first.

4. Humility is free, but the process and the experience is very expensive.

I am learning to be patient, and to allow others to help me when needed. I am learning to take care of me, carefully, and delicately. Most of all I am so thankful for all of the lives that touch mine. Whether it be on a daily basis or we speak every few months; the encouragement and well wishes have enveloped me in such warmth and solace. I am so, so, thankful to:

• My friends who just got engaged- Thank you for showing me that commitment and love still exists in this crazy world. Most of all, thank you for showing the children this.

• My friend who keeps going on interviews in spite being turned down, time after time- Thank you for showing me your determination.

• My Sister who suggest that we start exercising- Thank you for motivating me.

• My Parents for helping me, no, nursing me back to health- There aren’t enough words to say how I really feel, so thank you for being unconditionally supportive through it all.

• My friend who rescued me from a situation that had my in agony- Thank you for being there where I needed you.

• The one who acted like my nurse the past few days- Thank you for helping me when I was too ill to take care of myself. I love you very much.

I am appreciative of many others, but the list would wrap around me and this computer triple times. But most of all, I am thankful to a song by Frankie Beverly and Maze. The beginning line says “I’ve got myself to remind me of love”. I don’t take this song to mean that we shouldn’t let others love us; I just understand it to mean that we must love ourselves first. Once we do that, we will quickly be able to recognize it when we see it and damn sure know when we don’t.