Light and Love

Dear beautiful, adventurous world of crap,
Soooooo much has transpired since we last spoke. How are you? How's the family? Now that we've gotten past the pleasantries, we all know that I really don't care how you are, or how your family is....because the answers to those questions are relative to the day and your mood. By the end of our chat you may feel completely different, hell, we may not even be friends by the end of this.

My feelings are all over the place and then no place at all. But one thing is for sure, I am in a place of peace. Not that total transcending peace that the bible talks about quite yet. Just at peace. Many things have been revealed to me this past week. Many new opportunities have come forth. And of course with all of those things come a varied assortment of challenges, which all revolve around the Almighty Dollar. But as much as I like money....and I do like money, I have a big smile on my face. I am sitting here in an old raggedy dress, fro is unkept, a portion of my eyebrows have seemingly come off, my teeth haven't been brushed, and my toe nails look like something from a horror flick. In case you are still confused, I look a hot-funky McMess!! But I am soooo thrilled. This is the end of a rough patch in my threads of life.

Sidebar: I see life as a huge quilt. The quilt has many patches, patterns and plans. It could begin on one path and end up someplace totally different, depending on the people involved, the intent and circumstance of the Quilter.

My quilt is a multi colored, ecclectic, incomplete, beautiful thing. It displays all of my travels, tears, victories, successes and hurt. It looks just like me. It goes with everything and then nothing at all.

Things are about to change for me. I am about to learn new things, sing new songs and invite new Quilters to my circle and I am embracing it with such pleasure.What will be, will be.

I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" last week with my Other Mom and one of my 3 sisters. It was such a great experience having read about 3/4 of the book and seeing what I'd already imagined. The character, interestingly named Liz, was a lot like me. Or I am a lot like her, or maybe, just maybe, we are all quite a bit alike in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, she left her husband and supposed ideal life when she started to lose her zest for life. She knew that it wasn't him, or the mortgage making her feel that way, it was her, she was NOT balanced. Anyway, she struggled with knowing how much her husband loved her and having to leave him for her own balance and sanity. She wished that he could not hate her and that they could simply be cordial. Well, in her travels, in discussing this matter with someone he said: "Liz, it's ok that he loves you and misses you. It's ok that you love and miss him. When you feel that way, send him light and love and keep going." That statement really moved me. Because I am in a place where I lack balance and zest. I am afraid that a lot of my spunk has been drained and taken by so many "real life" situations, burdens, thoughts, pain, atmospheres and stresses. I want to be here for my loved ones. I know that they need me. But I need me too, and for that reason, alone, I am setting out to find me again. The God in me. The balance that I need to equally, cohabitat with this universe as I know it. There will be people who wont understand my choices. There will be some who laugh. Some who may even feel that I am running away. There will be some bitter and angry because their situations do not warrant the free spirited life that I have. I am so thankful for my support system: Family, Friends, Associates and Classmates. I love being an open book. I love sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with them, no matter what. But, I can't control anyone's feelings or actions toward me. So I will start now, by sending light and love......and forward marching!!

I don't know where this path is going to take me. But I vow to take my path by storm to Live and Love. Nothing more, nothing less. Live & Love!! I mean, what else am I really good at??

Now, my body will remain here, in HOT, FLAT, Texas for a while longer, but my mind is officially checked out. Consider this my farewell letter. This is an end to a very short chapter in my life. But, I have a feeling that I will revisit some of the pages, very, very soon ;)