It just doesn't add up to what I thought it would be

I am so tired, that I can barely catch my breath. I am told that I worry too much, and that I attach to easily. Perhaps. Perhaps. I was told that I should always, always give 110%; and I beat that goal. I take excellence to a new level, if my hands are to embrace it. Then why is the weight of this matter so heavy that my chest hurts?

Why is it that I care so much about work? Why is it that my integrity is being questioned without just cause?

I am convinced that at times life is a like one extremely long circus:

You love me and clap for me as long as I can perform tricks. But, God forbid the tight rope cracks or breaks and I fall....Now you are angry with me. Now you wonder if I am right for the role. The lights flicker until they are dim. The claps are but a distant memory.

Am I wrong to expect reciprocity in this selfish and arrogant world? Perhaps. Perhaps.

I thought that 1+1 = 2
Now, as the days of my life expand and excel, I am learning that the sum is produced by whomever is in charge of the adding, how they are feeling, what they are wearing, the color of their skin, the size of their body, the initials behind their name.