Life calls at the oddest moments....Uh, shello?!

....so as I was standing at pump 13, pumping my last $12.03 into my past due car note car; I thought to myself "Things have to improve, and quickly." It is so funny how quickly things can change in your life. One moment you feel that you are on top of the world, and the next you are reminded of just how trivial the new Louis Vuitton bag is; or how unnecessary first class plane tickets are. Now the only thing which mattered is-SURVIVAL and the pursuit of my prodigal peace. I just want a peaceful and productive life. I have never been one of those ladies who dreamed of marriage and children. If it happens, great...if not, still just as great. I feel like the Frankie Beverly and Maze song; "I've got myself to remind me of love". And, I mean just that. My life is mostly simple and carefree, am I wrong for wanting it to remain that way???

I spoke to my Fantastic Four on yesterday, whether via phone or electronic mail and shared some of my current woes and dissatisfaction's. I received so many great words of wisdom and peace. It is sad that we (speaking of my girls right now); have to put up with so much BS, simply because we are the "Last ones standing" just to have a piece, a small bit of the "Quality of Life" that people dream, sing and write about. They all encouraged me to keep my head up and reminded me of just how brightly my light shined and whoever didn't see it....needed a "Lights Out" for lack of better words.

I guess today, as I reflect on the decisions made and the words spoken which have landed me in this place; it is bitter sweet. Yes, I am thankful that I am still here with chance 1,089 to try it again. But, I am miserable. Because, I am a social person I require time and adventure with the ones I love. I need to get out, dress like a lady of distinction, have a few drinks, take a million pictures and laugh until the tears ooze out. But, for now I am trapped. Stagnant. Stuck in a rut of hell. But be not dismayed, I am coming out. And when I get out....Damn it, I will be out!!

So let me leave you with this:

1. Take peace in the small un-tangible things. Because the big shit aint promised.
2. If you are NOT happy, do whatever it takes to make you happy. Put you first at the end of the day. It's called Self Perseverance. The most and primal instinct.

Be well